If the cheater profile were a house then insecurity would be the foundation. If you have scoured the internet in search of a set of criteria that describes a mental make-up of someone likely to cheat habitually then you have come to the right place. So your boyfriend or husband cheated and now you don’t know to stay or leave, right?
I’ve been on both sides of this fence. The famous question people ask me is of course, “Is it true: once a cheater always a cheater?”
The answer: No.
People make mistakes, but some people are emotionally broken and their insecurity may never allow them to fix their problem codependency. And that would mean you are in a dead relationship my friend.
I believe I have developed the most in-depth cheater profile so far on the web. After you read the insecurity attribute of the serial cheater feel free to compare your cheating partner to the rest of my cheater profile.
Why His Insecurity Could Crash Your Relationship to the Ground
If you were a delicate bird perched on your husband’s hand and he suddenly squeezed you tightly what would you first do as soon as he loosened his grip? You’d soar to the highest branch of the closest tree of course! Your spouse’s insecurity that you may one day not need him/her anymore could prove detrimental to your relationship.
He cannot follow you everywhere at all times and will not fly with you to that high branch, but he may do anything necessary to control you.
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The Myth: Cheaters Are in Love with Themselves
So even you have judged someone else’s affair. And what did you think of the betrayed spouse? I bet you too thought they had insecurity problems, that they were quite unsure of themselves and that they scared off their strong, confident partner. You might be surprised what love coach Debi Berndt believes.
She says many cheaters have a deep insecurity problem. In fact cheaters are often scared to death that people will see how shallow they are inside so they choose to run before things get too deep. She suggests confident people attract other confident people. Alike people attract each other.
“MIRROR, MIRROR on the Wall. Please Tell Me I Am Important.”
It takes a strong person with confidence in themselves to commit. A player doesn’t know how to deal with their inner emotions. They are just good actors putting on a show. This allows them to hide their true feelings.
They fear another woman or man might see how weak-minded they are and they discover their lack of core values- they’re shallow. Their insecurity means they have a severe fear of rejection. It’s easier to run away from emotional intimacy and just jump from one shallow relationship to another.
My ex-wife was a sucker for admiration and compliments. Everyone likes compliments, but I don’t need to hear them to feel good about myself. I know who I am and I like people for who they are. Insecurity minded people need the adoration and attention of others to validate they are likable people.
The compliments produce a source of energy, fuel to keep them afloat. And when they encounter other insecure people then it’s like looking in the mirror. They will run from the pain of seeing what they dislike most about themselves in others.
Sexual Insecurity: His Lack of Confidence in Bed Could Lead Him to Sleep with Another Woman
I’m pretty sure by now you know sex is very important to us men. The last thing I want is for my woman to feel unsatisfied in bed and jump into another man’s bed. Yes, silly you may think, but it’s a real fear for men.
So if your man feels inadequate about pleasing you and is very sensitive about his manliness then there is a sexual insecurity study that suggests he may seek someone else to fill his void.
Growl and complain all you want about men wanting to be men. This is mother nature speaking. Married men will not be happy in marriage if they are not confident about their ability to please their wife. And this goes for many women too.
The study says women who lack confidence in their performance in the sack are flight risks too. Another interesting note about is it indicates sexually aggressive people who have no fear of the consequences of reckless sex such as pregnancy or attracting STDs are risk factors for cheating too.
So you might ask why would your man or woman full of insecurity run off to have sex with someone if they have “bed stage fright”? There is less pressure to perform with someone who doesn’t know them well and with someone they do not intend to form a long-term relationship.
Insecurity and Clinginess: Your Needy Partner Is Likely to Cheat
It may sound cute when she says she loves you more than you love her, but may I explain why I think that is a big red flag?
What she is probably saying is more like, “Please don’t leave me. I am afraid you do not need me and I fear you will look for a woman that suits you better.” It’s an example of neediness. Needy people tend to fear abandonment, they’re afraid their partner will fall out of love or find another reason to dump them.
And contrary to how it may sound, a needy person may be more likely to both cheat and cause someone to want to cheat on them. Cheaters with insecurity problems seek destructive ways to solve their emotional problems.
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How His (or Her) Attachment Style Points to Their Chance of Cheating
The findings from a Florida State University study suggest people have attachment styles which could make or break a relationship (partly due to one’s level of insecurity toward the potential outcome of the relationship). According to the psychologist Michelle Russell who led the study, this attachment theory describes 3 types that could gauge your spouse’s likelihood to cheat (if you haven’t already caught them), or at least be a repeat cheater offender.
- Secure Attachment Style. Here you trust that your partner will care for you and prioritize your happiness.
- Insecure Attachment Style. Either you fear abandonment or fight for your independence to avoid rejection.
- Avoidant Attachment Style. Those who seek freedom are less likely to cheat because they do not seek long-term relationships out of dependency rather only if they meet their soulmate.
People who are needy display insecure attachment style. Neediness is a form of co-dependency meaning how you feel depends on how others feel about you. Now that’s a scary thought. Imagine allowing your happiness to depend on what others say about you or how they treat you.
In other words if you are insecure about who you are and cannot be happy without a relationship then you will live an emotional roller coaster ride every day. You become clingy and desperately wait those words of validation, “I love you,” “I think about you all day” or “you are so beautiful” to come constantly all the time. Without the words of encouragement you feel adrift and anxious.
Life coach Rick Reynolds from www.reignitethefire.net shares the dangers of not learning to take control of your emotions on his site. Whether you suffer from codependency or your spouse does feeling helpless is an empty way to live. His educating style is one the most clear styles I have come across. Check it out.
Professional Advice for Infidelity
Dr Huizenga offers some valuable insight how to overcome diagnosed impulse disorders. I also benefited from his advice how to recover from my wife’s affair and healed much quicker from the emotional pain.
Question: What other serial cheater traits could lead your spouse to cheat again in the future if you take them back?
Leave your opinion at the bottom of this page.