Facebook cheating wife or Instagram cheating husband, internet emotional affairs will more likely doom your marriage than any other form of cheating (if it hasn’t already).
Times have certainly changed since the days when you a wandering spouse snooped off to a nearby pay phone to whisper sweet nothings to his/her lover.
Nowadays your wife can have an entire conversation right next to you while you both watch your favorite movie on Netflix.
Text message and Facebook cheating opened the flood gates to instant, easy communication between two affair partners. Just like a scene out of a Jason Bourne or James Bond movie, cheating spouses cunningly sneak behind your back like spies to live their second life.
The American Academy of Academic Lawyers conducted a survey that exposed the world to the shocking news that 81% of the US’s top divorce attorneys cite a spike in social networking cheating evidence in their divorce cases. And as no surprise Facebook cheating led the way in 66% of internet emotional affairs.
A UK based online survey cited that Facebook cheating surfaced in one of every three divorce cases in 2011.
Hello again everyone. Orlando here to provide my take on how Facebook cheating and the other forms of the new digital age infidelity affects your marriage, mine and many others globally.
- 11 Signs of a Facebook Cheating Wife or Husband (and other text message cheating too)
- How Facebook and Cell Phone Cheating Burst Open the Emotional Affair Floodgates
- Back to Conflict Resolution Strategies: Fix Your Marital Problems with Your Spouse NOT with a Co-worker
- How Innocent, Happy Husbands (Wives) Cheat Too: the Link Between Cell Phone Cheating and Emotional Affairs
- 10 Ways Your Facebook Cheating Wife or Husband Helps You Catch Them. Woops!
Your emotional emergency alarm went off. You know something feels wrong, don’t you? Distance. Emotional distance was one of the first signs my wife was participating in an emotional affair.
The caught her the first time in an emotional affair after I noticed strange phone out-of-state phone numbers on our phone call records. I gave her a second chance. Was it worth giving my cheating wife a second chance? In hindsight, maybe not.
After phone calls no longer remained an option to communicate with an affair partner she sought other ways.
Smart phone apps, Facebook cheating and other forms of social media became the obvious choice. No evidence left behind this time.
From there she protected her phone like a mother bear defends her cub.
So do you notice any of these same Facebook cheating signs in your marriage that I experienced in mine?
1. Hides screen from you when using Facebook
When desperate enough my wife would angle her phone enough so I couldn’t see it. And not just when she sent a message, but also whenever she received one.
2. He or she stops posting pics of you too to her photo albums
You dropped to second place. The “friend” rose to first. Oh, how he/she wishes to post pics of the Other Person.
3. Removes Facebook images of you both
My wife even started removing our pics together. Apparently this proved to her boyfriend that he became a priority.
4. Less recent Facebook profile activity
This might mean either he started another hidden FB profile or used another form of social media to communicate with his “coworker friend” instead.
5. Only actively logged into Facebook on his/her phone when you aren’t around
You know he’s hiding something when you notice he shows “active”on FB only when he’s not around.
6. Lost in space, smiles or laughs when texting or using Facebook but does not share what the conversation is about
This one bothered me more than anything. With me she barely cracked even a smile, but during her Facebook cheating episodes (and other digital cheating ways) she smiled and laughed. HOWEVER, never dared to share what the conversation was about or with whom she was having it.
7. Stops using phone to Facebook or text when you enter the room
Most of the time my wife preferred to perform her Facebook cheating behind my back. As soon as I entered the kitchen or bathroom she turned her screen off.
8. Discover husband or wife on phone in middle of night
Nothing alarms you the worried spouse more than finding your husband or wife awake in the middle of the night routinely texting or messaging someone.
9. Overprotective of phone, laptop or tablet
She NEVER leaves the phone alone in the bathroom, always keeps it in his pocket and guards it close by when sleeping. NOT a good sign!
10. Now uses passwords for FB, phone, but didn’t before (or changes passwords when you before gave you access)
Many moons ago you both had an open door policy. You both logged into the same computer to view emails. The passwords were saved, no need to type them in. Times changed. She changed all the passwords. You don’t know any. And she won’t share any of them.
11. Phone ALWAYS in silent mode. Your cell phone cheating wife periodically checks her phone for messages from her lover
Most cheating spouses have enough common sense to prevent you knowing when and how often they receive messages. They would rather not have to answer the question, “Who is texting you now?” It’s easier just to check the phone from time to time.
Opposite-sex friendships risk spinning out of control into an emotional affair.
You heard the expression, “When the going gets tough the tough gets going.” So why do we run from our problems in relationships?
Just like I mentioned in my previous post “Stop Extramarital Emotional Affair“. Avoiding conflict in our relationships worsens the problem.
If you or you believe your spouse find someone outside the marriage attractive and have already started to contact them read this section carefully…
Here’s the Main Problem with Facebook Cheating
Facebook cheating and digital cheating in general provides an easy, covert way to make friendships or strengthen bonds with people outside your marriage behind your spouse’s back. These friendships turn into attractions since the “friend” seems to understand you better than your spouse does.
At this point your spouse still may not know you are contacting your co-worker or neighbor for words of encouragement via text messaging, Facebook or some other form of social networking. And so what he or she doesn’t know won’t hurt, right?
From Leaky Ship to Sinking Ship to **SMACK** Sunken Ship at the Bottom of the Ocean
Your spouse has no chance to help resolve the marital problems or lack of whatever emotional need your relationship is experiencing at the time while you seek someone’s help outside your marriage. Instead your marriage slowly sinks like a ship.
You can’t stop thinking about the Other Person. You want to hear, see and read anything from them. Even just one word.
Your marriage sinks slowly every day a little more while you struggle inside to give into the temptation to contact him/her or end all forms of communication.
Soon you start to justify why you deserve to feel better. And the best way to feel better right now is the easiest way you know- Facebook cheating, digital infidelity!
Texts turn to sexts.
Feels so good, doesn’t it?
“She really gets me,” you think to yourself.
You can message them whenever from wherever and never get caught (at least that’s what you think).
So the danger of the new digital age affairs is the ease to cheat. To make what used to be harder in the past where you’d run to a pay phone or wait until no one was around to call or find ways to meet up at the local supermarket parking lot a cinch.
Facebook cheating made affairs a cinch and sped up the process of escalating the friendship to an affair through the numerous messages.
So to summarize my thoughts…
Time will not always heal a marital dispute, but what’s worse is looking for help with someone outside your marriage who you could potentially find attractive.
Back to Conflict Resolution Strategies: Fix Your Marital Problems with Your Spouse NOT with a Co-worker
Do not share intimate, personal matters about your marriage with anyone other than your spouse or a close family or friend who you trust with your life!
This fellow infidelity blogger suggests 3 simple conflict resolution steps. And I am not the only one who feels avoiding conflicts in our marriages runs the temptation of seeking companionship outside the marriage. My research shows that lack of trust as the number one culprit for marital conflict.
How Innocent, Happy Husbands (Wives) Cheat Too: the Link Between Cell Phone Cheating and Emotional Affairs
So you thought that ALL emotional affairs started due to a problem in marriages, right?
Emotional affairs tempt EVERYONE.
YOU, me and even the “do good”, innocent dentist could slip to the temptation of rescuing the “damsel in distress”.
Two Ways the “Good Husbands and Wives” Fall into Emotional Affairs
1. the Rescuer (or Savior)
Here’s my own personal story. I’ll never forget her smile or her exotic Caribbean skin. I found her so sexy. She dressed professionally. She reminded me of a flight attendant. (All men find flight attendants sexy.) But she was married and so was I.
So I didn’t want to cross boundaries.
Sure we threw periodic emails back and forth at work. Nothing serious. BUT what flicked my emotional switch from saying hello and exchanging jokes was when she started with the sob stories. She complained about how her husband misunderstood her and mistreated her. She felt so alone.
Wow. I felt so privileged. She confided in me to listen and help her feel better.
So what did I do next?
Shared her my marital frustrations about my relationship. Only fair, right? You share. I share.
I kept thinking, “Man, what’s wrong with her husband? Why doesn’t he get her?”
To cut to the chase. We next exchanged phone numbers. Called each other. Text each other. And eventually met up in person outside of work which resulted in an all-out physical affair.
I felt like a savior at first. It created a bond between us.
I Sensed Others Experience the Same “Savior” Mentality
I had a hunch that others identified this “rescuer-affair” connection so I searched online for other stories or input.
Turns out this fellow blogger from EmotionalAffairJourney.com feels that some people learn this “nurture” pattern as children and carry into adulthood. She provides a fictional example how a dentist in a regular, fine marriage finds himself trapped in an emotional affair after running across his new younger dental assistant crying. She shares her marriage frustrations and he lends a listening ear.
And just like in my own personal story above it turns in cell phone number exchanges, phone calls, texts and then blows up into an extramarital affair.
2. Reunite with Old Flames (or Friends)
Timing is everything. Ever wonder what type of wife or husband your college or high school sweetheart could have been been? Or perhaps you want to check up on an old friend from years ago?
Would it really hurt to drop into say “hello”?
So what do we do to reunite? We find them on Facebook.
A few random messages at first. Then the “emotional switch” flicks!
“Wow, he’s so funny. I wish my husband wouldn’t focus on work so much. He comes home in a bad mood every night.” So the innocent wife decides to FB message her boyfriend from yesteryear about her news of the day and the funny joke her co-worker blurted out during the meeting. I mean why not? Her husband doesn’t care to listen.
The messages turn frequent. Daily.
Then the turning point. You start paying each other compliments and sharing intimate information about your marriages.
No, you never end up meeting, but you distance yourself from your spouse. You both fall into the bad habit of not nurturing each other, spend less time together and instead you seek emotional refuge on Facebook.
And just like many other stories on my site and other blogger’s sites the messages turn into sexting and talk of meeting up one day. It zaps your marriage of emotional energy and connectivity.
You are Facebook cheating my friend. This IS an affair!
And if you don’t stop it could turn into a sexual affair later on.
Check out this blogger’s post from psychologytoday.com about this new fairly new phenomenon of online affairs with old flames or friends.
So to end this post today I figured some of you only suspect your spouse is Facebook cheating or cell phone cheating and may want to find out for sure. The next section shares how many digital cheaters slip up and get caught.
Most cheaters get caught by accident!
Accidental Discoveries of Online Emotional Affairs and Evidence of Text Message and Facebook Cheating
Ironically to what you or other suspecting spouses may think, most cheaters get tired of overprotecting themselves and eventually slip up and forget to hide their tracks- or better yet don’t know enough how social networks or their phones or computers work. Then they leave their cheating evidence out in the open.
1. Your Spouse left their Facebook account logged in on your computer/phone/tablet/etc. How silly! “My phone’s charging so I’ll just quickly use her phone and then log out.” Then they get distracted switch to another app and forget to log out of FB.
2. She creates a secondary Facebook or Instagram account under an alias. The accounts suggests your account or a mutual friend’s account to add them as a contact. Oh, yeah. That’s how my wife screwed up in her second affair. A mutual acquaintance of ours received a friend request on Instagram with a picture of my wife holding another man. Problem was, I wasn’t the man in the pic. My friend felt disgusted that my wife would cheat on me and informed me of her horrific discovery.
3. Browsing history shows the dating sites or gift purchases your cheating spouse looked at. Your internet browser keeps records of website search history. Multiple visits to 1800Flowers.com or other gift sites mean your husband is searching for sweet gifts. Awe, cute. Wait. What do you mean you haven’t received any gifts?
4. Your cheating spouse has their account to social media/ e-mail set to auto log-in. Oh, yeah, sure use my phone or computer real quick. Woops! They forgot they recently saved the password after getting tired of typing it in all the time.
5. The cheater always uses the same password for multiple accounts. They’ve had you log in to check problems on the insurance bill. He always uses the same password. He doesn’t have time to jot down a million different passwords. You’re suspicious of his indifferent, distance mood of late. Let’s see if this password works. YEP!
6. Your cheating spouse becomes friends with their lovers friends and they post pictures of them both. Forget you don’t have control over what other people post. Your wife met up with the Other Person at the sports bar while you traveled for business. The OP’s friends snapped pics of the two love birds then posted them to their walls. Check all friends of their friends walls and photo albums.
7. Instant messenger programs keep transcripts of conversations on the hard drive and expose the truth. Share a computer? Uploaded any messenger software to it? Your computer saves these conversations.
8. Their text and call records were never deleted, thus revealing the flat out evidence! Check the records on your bill or perhaps they still saved them or even a few on the phone. Check for strange phone numbers on the records and match them with the number on their phone. They may have saved the phone number under a made up name. You wouldn’t suspect Suzy is actually Bob.
9. Applications like Facebook and Foursquare that automatically post when they’ve checked into a certain location can be very incriminating. Woops! They forgot to turn off the “location” GPS on their phone. “Thought you said you were at the office party. What are you doing at the movies?”
10. New email accounts, messenger accounts or social networking accounts will auto update ALL your contacts. Search his contacts. So you thought he stopped contacting his ex. Guess again.