What is a serial cheater?
Hello everyone this is Orlando again, Owner of this site. A serial cheater is what I refer to people who are addicted to cheating. They struggle to confront the challenges head on in their relationships or their own individual issues.
Instead serial cheaters choose to avoid these problems.
Their habitual cheating results from not resolving their deep-rooted emotional needs.
Through research I discovered that people addicted to cheating tend to share certain personality traits.
Yes, good people make mistakes too and fall to temptation, but personality flaws increase odds that a cheater will put themselves into the situations to cheat and break your heart.
What do these serial cheater signs really mean?
These personality traits alone do not mean your spouse will turn into a repeat cheater- many people have a problem with low self-esteem (#3), for example.
Think of this list as red flags.
Your already-proven-cheater spouse has a higher probability to cheat again if they display any of these qualities.
Here’s another way to clarify it.
They are red flags that indicate your spouse is MORE likely to be a serial cheater than just making a one-time mistake. These 9 characteristics point to personality traits of someone who does not identify nor resolve their own internal problems.
9 Signs of a Serial Cheater: Personality Traits
1. Fear of Intimacy
I am not referring to sexual intimacy, rather emotional intimacy. You value companionship like me. Your husband (wife) may not feel the same way. His fear of getting close is a reflection of his insecurity. He is hypersensitive to share his secrets and show you parts of his personality that he finds ugly. Sharing deep feelings and developing a connection with you scares him.
Why this is a problem.
A serial cheater doesn’t want close intimacy. He (she) would rather enjoy the fun parts of a relationship. It’s exciting to meet someone the first time. There’s no bonding. He desires “casual sex”, not “love making”. A serial cheater has no interest in combining sex and emotional connection. They separate sex from emotion.
The repeat cheater just wants to eat dessert. They have no interest to prepare a full-course meal, then dine all night, clean up and then put the dishes away. That’s exhausting. “Let’s just get to the sweet stuff please.”
So you wonder why he married you, right?
Perhaps only a professional relationship counselor could help determine that tricky question. I wondered the same thing with my wife. Without intimacy how enjoyable will your relationship be? And what’s their motivation to remain committed to you.
If you seek one-on-one help with an affair-plagued relationship in private then I recommend you check out this experienced online relationship coach.
2. Fear of Commitment
Forever may not scare you. And it doesn’t scare me either. The idea of sharing my life with a woman fills me with energy. So many memories to experience together. Thought your relationship was “until the end of time” too, didn’t you?
He (she) might value independence and the right to do whatever he (she) wants whenever he wants. You don’t belong anywhere in that equation.
Not All Men Are the Same
I love to hang out with the guys to watch football and to run out the house for a beer with my best bud without asking for “permission” is quite nice. Not going to lie. But if the price of independence is being alone forever then no thanks. I would rather have a lady by my side.
But not all men think this way. Or perhaps he’s just not ready right now. He may fear to lose control. It scares him. If the fear of losing his independence outweighs the need to form a deep a relationship with you then, I’m sorry. Your relationship clock may be about to click “zero”.
If he has a fear of intimacy and a fear of commitment then the thought of one woman forever probably does not intrigue him either. This is a deadly combination with no cure and a serial cheater will find a way to cheat again. They won’t resist. This is one of those serial cheater profile traits that could resolve itself over time. Not everyone is ready for a deep committed relationship, but they may someday.
3. Low Self-Esteem
Does your spouse display these signs of low self esteem?
If your spouse has a low self-esteem they may be ashamed of who they are or what they do for a career. Your spouse could suffer from several types of esteem problems. If you earn the majority of the money and call most of the shots then it could hurt his pride.
In our society men are believed to be the ones who make the decisions and produce most of the money. If you puncture his sensitive sense of pride he may look for a way to compensate for that need to feel like the king of the household.
Don’t be fooled. One way to make up for his hurt soul is to find a woman who lets him take charge.
Blame him all you want. Throw stones. Call him names, but he needs to feel like a man. A weak person will struggle do the hard thing to do which is, well, become stronger and feel good about themselves.
But even in general, anyone prefers to feel self-reliant. Low self-esteem results from feeling inadequate. My cheating ex-wife expressed how she did not feel comfortable with the idea of depending on me to solve her problems.
It’s easier to find someone weak in order to feel better. You might be too strong for them. Does it mean they are serial cheaters? No.
But if they have already cheated and do not address their esteem problems now, the opportunity to cheat could easily come up again. Low self esteem is one of the serial cheater profile traits on this list that is tougher to overcome. It involves identifying the problem lies within yourself, not on the outside.
Your relationship reached a desperate, no-turning-back stage?
These affair survival tips turned around marriages in 48 hours for 85% of the couples that tried them.
Low-self esteem problems can also lead to problems with dependency. What would he (she) do if you disappeared in thin air? Would he (she) struggle?
Maybe he (she) feels insecure that they cannot survive without you. Perhaps they need to prove to themselves they can have a life without you. They could do this by choosing another woman (man).
Yes, that doesn’t make much sense to me either, but I believe my cheating wife suffered from this. She mentioned several times her discomfort of feeling dependent of me. How aware are you of the signs of dependency that could destroy your relationship?
Maybe he (she) just needed a back-up plan in case you grew tired of taking care of him (her). This can happen if he (she) suffers from separation anxiety. Could that turn your husband into a serial cheater?
5. Risk Taker
Is your husband (wife) in a position of power in his (her) career?
Is he (she) well known?
Does your husband (wife) hate to hear “no” or accustomed to winning and getting whatever they want?
Does he (she) enjoy living to the extreme and get bored easily?
You’ve seen the news.
Celebrities or politicians like Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwartzenegger, Tiger Woods, ex-New York Governor Eliot Spitzer flirt with infidelity, get caught then quickly apologize to protect their reputation.
You’d think that someone in the spotlight would be scared to death to ruin their image. Well, if you are a risk taker isn’t that exactly what you’d thrive on- a giant emotional rush of acting naughty and hiding behind everyone’s back?
Not all risk takers are people in power though.
Do you spoil your wife? Do you hand everything she desires over on a silver platter?
It might be time for her to take a risk, live to the extreme.
She might seek the thrill of flirting with the danger of you catching her in the affair. The temptation to live on the edge and act naughty is a quick cure for boredom. The thrill to avoid getting caught provides an adrenaline rush, catching them crashes their high flying life back down to reality.
Why is this a problem?
Your spouse could have an addiction to instant gratification and overcomes boredom with “being bad”. You will not be able to cure their boredom, nor is it your responsibility.
For men, when your wife cheats you struggle with the haunting images of your risk taker wife seeking pleasure from other men. Many husbands whose wives cheated on them found inner peace with this infidelity surviving resource.
This could be one of the serial cheater traits that is temporary. In the case of celebrities whose popularity lessens and the bright lights are no longer shining on them then they could feel more humble. A high powered executive could also mellow out after a long time in his (or her) leadership role.
Their obsession with excitement will fuel their desire for new partners. Sound like a trait of potential serial cheater to you? You’d be surprised about the ways some infidelity studies I ran across link the risk taker to infidelity?
Can you believe one study suggests your risk taker husband (wife) might contain cheater DNA? They might have a gene that lends them to cheat?
The Science of Cheating. DNA Link to Serial Cheating?
Some betrayed spouses turn around affair-stricken marriage in 48 hours (85% success rate).
6. Lack of Empathy
So what does lack of empathy mean? It means your husband (wife) does not understand or care about your feelings, future plans or happiness. His (her) needs come first, second and last. They will step on you and leave your emotionally bruised body to lay there on the ground and never look back.
If he (she) shows no remorse or sorrow for your well-being then how do you suppose you can have a relationship? Someone with this trait often will show signs of narcissism too.
Are you and your husband (wife) roommates or teammates? If your husband believed you both equaled one, then he’d want what was best for you too. If he only wants what is best for him then do you think he’ll think twice about sneaking behind your back for a romantic night out with the cute, flirtatious, single girl from the office?
Lack of empathy is a trait of a selfish person, someone like my wife who sought to start a second life with another man. She “quit the team”. She wanted what she wanted regardless of how it devastated my life and crushed my heart.
A selfish person wants to benefit from a “plan b” just in case things do not go as designed. So they hold onto two lives. This is a deep emotional problem and certainly a sign of potential serial cheater. They did it with you once. So if you stick a bandage on the relationship and give it another go guess what probably will happen again later? This is one of the serial cheater traits that scares me the most. How can someone reverse their lack of understanding and concern for others? What must happen in their life to change this?
So does she (he) always seem to thrive on attention, admiration and special treatment? Does your wife (husband)
routinely treat others in a condescending way? Does she (he) seem to care
about other’s feelings?
Bottom line is narcissistic people care about themselves and not much for others. This is selfishness to the extreme. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is the mental diagnostic term for narcissism.
The signs of narcissism can indicate a person so self-centered they have no empathy or sympathy towards others. Narcissists see life as a “dog-eat-dog” world and you’d better get what’s yours or you will miss out on what you deserve.
The emotional wreckage they leave behind is just collateral damage- the acceptable pain they inflict on others in order to get what they want. A narcissistic person is not capable of sustaining a healthy marriage. Many of the other traits on this list are easier to overcome with professional help, this one is more challenging.
If ever someone were more capable of becoming a serial cheater the narcissist would the one. I know you’ve thought about repairing your relationship, but how important are you to him (her)?
Before you make any big decisions about your marriage consider the vital first steps to survive infidelity.
Your partner follows behind you like they are your shadow. They experience an intense fear of abandonment. And are you ready for some shocking news? They are more likely to cheat than you are- the strong person in the relationship.
Think about it. What would be the best way to avoid their nightmare of being dumped? They find someone else to run to before it happens. You get tired of the clinginess, right? “Tell me you love me.” You’ve heard that thousands of times, haven’t you? And you resent saying you love them when asked to. They can sense it.
Then the panicking begins. “He (she) is going to leave me.” Their co-worker patiently listens to their problems. They become their therapist, they express concern, a bond forms between the two, then BAM! “Finally someone who understands me.” This new person becomes the savior.
Turns out there’s a study says your spouse’s attachment style indicates their probability to leave you. What’s their attachment style? Could it lead someone to become a serial cheater?
People with insecurity often do not make a lot of sense. So here’s another puzzler. Does your husband (wife) have sexual performance insecurity? Find out why this sexual insecurity study says his (her) “bedroom stage fright” will lead him (her) to someone else’s bed.
Don’t let the pain of the affair stop you. Turn your marriage around in 48 hours (85% success rate!) like these infidelity survivors did.
9. Compulsive Sexuality
Speaking of sex here is the opposite end of the spectrum. Some fear it, others can’t get enough of it. So you are wondering, if he (she) slept with someone else does this mean they do not love you? It could. People make mistakes and even good people fall trap to temptation and commit adultery.
Well, what if he (she) is obsessed with sex? So here’s some unlucky news for you. Yes, there is an actual sexual disorder for BOTH men and women who cannot get enough sex called Compulsive Sexuality Disorder. They have an out-of-control need for touch.
This is a deep-seeded issue. I wrote another post about more symptoms of compulsive sexuality disorder.
At the bottom of the post I list some more in-depth resources that deal with this mental disorder.
Maybe he is a serial cheater with an addiction to sex, but does not an emotional attachment to the other women. Maybe he does care about you, but what do you deserve? How would someone with a compulsive sexuality disorder even know they have a problem?
This is one of the serial cheater traits that needs professional assistance due to its addiction relation.
“So what should I do if I believe my husband is a serial cheater?”
Really the bottom line comes down to 3 Choices
- Take Him (Her) Back, Fix the Relationship
- Move On
- Catch Them Cheating- find the truth
Let’s review those choices.
Choice 1: “I fear he (she) is a serial cheater, but I want my marriage back? How can I get him (her) to change?”
Great question. May I share some life-changing advice? It starts with you. When I first learned about my wife’s affair I needed help. I came across this affair recovery ebook written by a professional marriage therapist.
Learn about the author/therapist Dr Bob Huizenga’s 7 types of affairs and the probability your marriage survives (scale of 1-10).
I can honestly tell you his advice saved me. No, the pain does not completely go away about what my serial cheater wife did, but the book helped me take control of my life. I have since started a new career, have traveled and find ways to reward myself every day. And the book can advise you some of the best ways to increase the chances to get your husband or wife to work with you to save your marriage.
Click here “Break Free from the Affair” Review.
Special Advice for Betrayed Husbands
You may have already heard about Kevin Jackson’s ebook “Survive Her Affair”.
His team emailed me a copy to review. Most of the book is spot on with how I feel as a man whose wife cheated on him. Kevin’s thorough research and personal interviews with marriage therapists and psychologists provide his broken-heart readers with hope.
If you are betrayed husband who desires to sort out the painful feelings associated with an affair then read my “Survive Her Affair” Review.
Click here to read the review of Kevin Jackson’s book.
48 Hour Affair-Stricken Marriage Turn Around (85% Success Rate!) Potential Serial Cheater
“I need help NOW! I don’t know where to turn for help!”
Watch this short 3 minute video that helps other betrayed spouses turn around their marriage fast, stop feeling hopeless and start feeling good again.
Learn how to turn around your marriage within the next 2 days.
Choice 2. Move on from the Relationship.
You just need hope. Hope of a new future. Hope for something good to happen. If you choose to move on like I have.
Then you must take action to restore your happiness. You will find love again, but first do what I did. Fix your own pain and change the way you see relationships.
The affair recovery ebook is about fixing your first regardless what your potential serial cheater spouse does. I would highly recommend giving it a try. Before you go check out the free healing gift I created for you below.
Choice 3. Catch Your Cheating Spouse/Lover
Don’t ignore that gut feeling!
If you want the truth and you feel you can handle it then it’s time you catch them. If you wish to learn some advance tips to catch your cheating spouse in their lies then I invite you to learn the tips “How to Catch Your Cheating Lover” eBook.
Learn some of the spy gadget techniques to catch a cheater’s text messages, phone conversations, emails, GPS their routes or simply know how to lure them into a trap to video and audio record their disloyal activity.
Watch a video how to catch a cheating lover like a spy.
Click here to read the “How to Catch Your Cheating Lover” Review.
Which serial cheater trait scares you the most?
***Please share your comment below.