Rekindling romance in your marriage worth it? Is your relationship dull, stale and boring?
Nothing beats the feeling of sexy, juicy romance. Nothing. Marriage can seem like driving fast down the interstate. One minute your flying, the other cars seem like they are at a standstill. The next minute you hit rush hour traffic, slam on the brakes and easy to a screeching halt. The traffic eases up, then you pound the gas pedal and shoot off like a rocket. Driving fast is the equivalent to spice in marriage, sex and steamy romance. Ah, hot wives and hunk husbands.
Let’s face it. Every married guy at one point or another dreams of the hot long, legged, tan Latin girl or blond and every married woman salivates over the tall, muscular, dark haired Greek god with goatee.
Who in the hell wants that for their marriage???
With your hot new blonde girlfriend or that hunk guy boyfriend you may have dated from the gym it worked great. The start of a race is exciting. A few quick laps around the track gets your blood pumping throughout your body.
But marriage isn’t a race. It is not the Daytona 500. It is a marathon. Yes, a long foot race, one without fast cars.
And along the way you get cramps, die of thirst, exhausted and doubt waits for you around every corner. You wonder if you will ever make it to the end.
So Can Rekindling Romance Save a Relationship?
Temporarily it will pump life into the marriage like performing CPR on a lifeless body, but it is a quick fix and the pressure to keep the romance burning in your marriage could turn into a bonfire and burn the whole thing to the ground.
Dangers of Marriage: Worrying
Just like the ambitious entrepreneur that spends his/her life yearning to make it big, to be undeniably wealthy only to worry himself/herself sick later to protect their riches from being snatched from them right before their eyes, a husband and wife can worry themselves to death at the potential losses or pitfalls in marriage.
- Their spouse losing interest in them
- Spouse leaving
- Spouse cheating
- Not living up to marriage roles
- Not being attractive enough
- Becoming boring to their spouse
- Spouse wanting to spend more time with their friends than you
- Spouses spending too much time at work
- Spouse spending all the savings
- Not having money for vacations
Have you ever felt any of these? I sure have. I have felt them in my current marriage and definitely felt them in my first.
Share Your Feelings Below. Don’t Be Afraid. Read the question below.
Do you feel that your marriage needs a spark? What has changed in your relationship?
Yes, it’s intimidating to tell a complete stranger how you feel, but why not make a bold move. I am here to help and want to be your friend. I am all ears and will not judge. Fill in your answer from the above questions and I will personally respond within 24-48 hours. 🙂
Performance and Neediness in Marriage
In the end we all fall to temptation to look at the marriage for fulfillment. No matter how many times we claim to be happy regardless of what happens in the marriage, we still fall victim to needing the marriage.
Emotional dependency on your marriage is the same for the need for speed. No different. Your inner voice is convincing you that you need a rush, excitement or at a minimum to be slightly, but consistently entertained, that rekindling romance will bring your marriage back to life again.
Your marriage is not a movie. It is not meant to entertain you. It is not the main course of a meal.
It is at least somewhat like a condiment. Yes, like ketchup. OK more like, sea salt with a pinch of garlic and parsley. But your happiness does NOT depend on what your wife does or how many times your husband says he loves you.
If you try rekindling romance in your marriage by spicing things up with a random bouquet of roses you can’t worry how she will respond to you later when the vase has been sitting on the counter for three days. She smiled, she cried, she hugged you, but later she took a shower, went to bed and got up the next day. The moment is gone.
So you got him tickets for the Daytona 500. He took his friends, tailgated with some beer and barbecue, his favorite driver raced well, he came home, took a shower and went to bed. The moment is over. And next week there is a football game.
The car raced down the street and then got stuck in traffic. What next?
Needs vs Needy
We all have needs, and they will never go away. Our needs will never be fully satisfied. Even my own personal goals are not completely in my control, a long, rewarding career, learning a third language, buying a new house, traveling three times a year, etc.
Now imagine me depending on my wife to do what I think she needs to do to make our marriage happy. She has her own thoughts and ideas.
Just like I can’t control the rush hour traffic, I certainly can’t control how she reacts to my requests or even how she feels when I bring her gifts. Her glee and enjoyment will end minutes after I hand her the flowers.
Being needy is a guarantee of unhappiness and misery.
Give Not Take
If I really care about my wife or you sincerely care about your husband’s well being. Then it shouldn’t matter what happens. Let’s find ways to give to our spouses and be supportive.
Recently my wife found new fulfillment in her career. She found something she is good at. Her employer desperately needs her help. Not many other people around can do what she does and it makes her feel important. On the other hand it means longer hours, late hours and could in the future mean traveling.
If I decide to be a taker and think about myself then…
- I will selfishly ask her to stop in the middle of her projects and come home early
- Ask her to work less hours
- Not travel
If I am supportive…
- I will tell her how proud I am
- Listen to her stories about what she is doing
- Make her lunch for her long shifts
I am telling her, “I care about your happiness and am not going anywhere. I understand you will be spending time away from me and I am fine with that. I will find things to do.”
How will that all turn out?
Well, ideally she will be grateful and find ways to give back to the marriage to make our relationship more enjoyable. When things are dull or we have a disagreement rather than blowing up she will be more patient because she knows I care about her happiness regardless if I get anything out of it. She should not feel stuck because I am being flexible with her. She will see it as a bump in the road or realize the traffic is just a part of driving and will go away.
Dangers of Neediness and How It Could Lead to Cheating
Marriage is a marathon. Perhaps rekindling romance is your way of fulfilling your neediness and a way to quench your worries. I believe a spouse who constantly looks to fulfill their own needs and does not think about the well-being of others has a reasonable possibility of cheating. They have allowed themselves to believe happiness comes from an outside source and turn to partners to fill them with good feelings.
Receive your free copy of my ebook. Where can I send it?
Fill in your email in the box below so I can get it in your hands.
Why not get your free copy of an ebook that will help you through this painful time? Why not get receive a weekly email from someone who cares. Don’t be afraid. Please give me the chance to be your friend and help you. I am here to listen not judge.
Resource to Save Your Marriage Crisis That Saved My Life
I want to sincerely thank Dr. Huizenga for presenting me with new ways of seeing life and marriage. His teachings have empowered me during my marriage crisis and given me a new future. Please take the time to learn about the dangers of the temptation of rekindling romance and how to save your relationship.