Will your marriage survive? What rebuilding broken trust steps can you follow to undo your choice to cheat?
I’d bet since you clicked through from the Google search result or from one of my Pinterest Pins that you feel a lot of pain right now.
You still love your wife (or husband), but you fear the worst case scenario: losing your marriage.
And you admit that you caused the problem.
That perhaps is the hardest part to deal with.
And many people, perhaps even your spouse, want to see you as the worst person on the planet.
Stop beating yourself up.
First, I was there.
So remember one thing: we are complex beings.
And let’s face it you arrived to this post because you wish to solve the problem you created.
I know that you didn’t make the decision to cheat just because you wanted to have a little fun: the cheater bashers would love to think that.
But today you came for actionable rebuilding broken trust advice to stop the bleeding and to start the regrowth of the relationship.
You realize that you value and wish to keep this marriage.
So let’s begin.
Since I have also experienced being cheated on I can openly share with you a handful of fears in the form of questions we ask ourselves.
You must know these in order to identify the danger to steer clear of and also how to ease your ailing spouse’s pain.
Believe me I could extend this list to the bottom of this virtual page, but let’s start with at least 5.
5 Fears that Eat Away at Your Betrayed Spouse
These fears shed light on a few of many questions that the betrayed spouse must find answers to heal from the pain. Before you can begin rebuilding broken trust with them and win back your marriage start familiarizing yourself with their fears.
I recommend that you learn as much as you can about their new perspective on your marriage and life. Then next what you can do to help start rebuilding broken trust.
1. “Is my husband/wife a serial cheater? Are they broken?”
If your husband or wife believes that you will always struggle with fidelity issues then they will see you as broken. You do NOT want this.
I believe my ex had serial cheating tendencies, thus I wrote my most popular infidelity post regarding serial cheater traits. This belief provided major relief for me. I could survive without her. I felt no guilt or regret for my actions because she most likely would keep cheating regardless of the circumstances. No one trusts broken, confused people.
Your Goal: Convince your injured husband/wife that you made a mistake out of character. You must prove why you uniquely love him/her.
2. “Is the Other Person better than me?”
Whether they believe that you prefer the Other Person sexually or emotionally it doesn’t matter. Either way it hurts.
If your spouse believes that they do not completely fulfill you then he/she will fear that they only can have half of your heart. How could they possibly trust that you will stay forever then?
They fear that you will need more and leave?
Your Goal: You must convince him/her that your choice to cheat was not based on finding someone better if you wish to start the rebuilding broken trust process.
I know that many people who try to understand a cheater’s mindset (including professional therapists) think that many cheaters simply seek something better. I can tell you as a former cheater and someone who has been with people in relationships that it is not that simple, it’s much more complex.
3. “Will there be a happy ending? Why bother trying to fix the marriage and stay with my spouse?”
Your injured spouse may believe either that the chances of you cheating again remain high or that he/she will not find happiness in the marriage again. This presents a major hurdle for you.
Your Goal: Make them feel like your happiness depends on you both being happy, not just you. You want nothing more than to do your part to fulfill him/her again so that you both live an enjoyable life together.
4. “Did they stop loving me?”
Only you know how you feel about your boyfriend (or girlfriend). But if you sincerely wish to stay with your husband (or wife) then it probably means you still feel true love for your spouse.
This question will tick away in your spouse’s head like a broken drippy faucet in your kitchen. If you do not sufficiently answer this question for them then expect to find your spouse crying alone by themselves many nights and not feel safe to give you back their heart 100%.
It just won’t feel the same anymore unless you do something about it.
Your Goal: Look for many opportunities to express your affection when he or she least expects it. They will wait for you to surprise them often and express a sense of urgency to prove your desire to win their heart back and to start the rebuilding broken trust process.
5. “Does my cheating spouse want to stay with me because they want to? Or do they just fear being alone or with no place to go?”
Let’s face it. There could be truth to this.
Do you really want to stay with your husband/wife for love or to avoid discomfort?
I cannot tell you how many emails I have received or posts I’ve read on other blogs regarding just this topic. You’d think grown adults could take care of their own basic needs.
This couldn’t be further from the truth for a large percentage of adults all over the globe.
Just think about an extreme case. A stay home parent who cheats.
They financially depend on their spouse. Do you think they have a real fear of being kicked out of the house?
My ex did not have the means to take care of herself financially. She left me behind my back to move in with a man in another city. He provided her a place to live and provided her financial support.
However, when I caught her the first time this back up plan to move in with him did not exist. So she begged me for mercy to stay.
Did she beg to stay in the relationship because she feared not having a place to live?
I’d say yes.
Your Goal: Let’s just assume that you genuinely want to stay married for the sake of love. You’d better convince them of just that. You want a happy marriage with them specifically.
We have established some of the fears that your injured spouse struggles with.
You can see how they could impede your efforts for rebuilding broken trust with them.
Let’s now peek at the main building block to help you achieve turn things around.
If you want your betrayed spouse to believe that you have full intention of rebuilding broken trust and that you desire a happy marriage again then you must become transparent.
Show that you have nothing to hide.
How to Live with Transparency in Marriage After an Affair
1. Display Empathy, Express Your Intentions
If your best friend betrayed you, and you still wanted to remain friends, what would you need them to do?
Offer a sincere apology that shows how remorseful they feel about hurting you and convince you that they will take the appropriate action to repair the damage and avoid doing it again.
And in your case you can expect the same thing.
You must deliver a sincere, heartfelt apology that displays remorse for hurting them. Then you will need to express your desire to want to take action.
The action you take will help them emotionally heal as an individual and to help you emotionally reconnect as a couple.
Your rebuilding broken trust efforts begin with this apology.
2. Eliminate Suspicion
You will succeed with the first key above up to the point when you start acting sketchy and suspicious.
To avoid freaking him/her out you must understand what activity creates panic in your injured spouse.
That’s why you must know what to do or say even when it’s not obvious. I can tell you after my wife cheated on me, I gained a new heightened sense of awareness.
Even something as small as taking too long to respond to a text can look highly suspicious.
Want the rebuilding broken trust process to run smoothly? Do not screw yourself over by neglecting strange situations that make you look bad.
The Step-by-Step Techniques for Rebuilding Broken Trust with Your Spouse to Keep Your Marriage
If you have read this far down the page then I take that as you truly do feel intense pain right now.
How badly do you fear losing your marriage?
Would a divorce crush your soul?
How about staying married, but living like roommates? Does that sound like an empty, unfulfilling life?
If I recommended a resourceful guide which outlines steps for both partners in marriage affected by infidelity would you like me to share it with you?
A while ago I received a copy of a unique affair survival guide which took a comprehensive approach to helping couples emotionally reconnect after an affair.
The author and licensed psychologist from Baltimore, Maryland Dr. Frank Gunzburg included advice that you rarely find in infidelity self-help guides: advice designed for the Cheating Spouse.
In his guide he laid out step-by-step instruction on how the Cheating Spouse could regain the trust of their husband/wife and then emotionally reconnect with them.
If you followed Dr. Gunzburg’s advice then you could effectively not only repair your marriage, but come out with a happier one.
Then It Disappeared…
Something unexpected happened just as I planned to write a review on Dr. Gunzburg’s guide: it disappeared from the internet.
After I contacted him and many months passed by, he decided to relaunch the downloadable program and offer it to the public again.
Dr. Gunzburg currently offers his marriage repair guide from his own secure site at 50% Off the original price.
“How Specifically Will It Help Me Save My Marriage?”
Let’s take an inside glance at five keys (of many) that Dr. Gunzburg’s “How to Survive an Affair” will help you in the rebuilding broken trust process with your ailing spouse.
1. Four Emotions Your Betrayed Spouse Must Overcome in Order to Heal (page 15)
The betrayal your spouse feels right now produces many confusing emotions.
Your husband or wife will deal with these emotions one way or another. If they neglect them for too long, however, then do not expect a healthy outcome for your relationship.
Do you want to end up as roommates or separated? You can help relieve them of these mind-consuming, toxic thoughts.
On page 15 Dr. Gunzburg reveals four troubling emotions that your spouse experiences. They could keep your spouse trapped in misery and impede their healing and prevent them from reconnecting with you.
Identifying these emotionally obstacles that your spouse faces provides vital insight. It will help you understand what internal blockades prevent you from reestablishing a happy relationship.
2. Six Critical Rules for Ending the Affair with Your Lover (page 50)
You may find it difficult to let go of your girlfriend/boyfriend. Dr. Gunzburg understands how important you feel about them. They gave you a way to decompress, relieve stress and provided you joy.
Believe me I understand how it feels.
However, if you want to stay with your spouse and rebuild the bridge you knocked down then you must take these six steps on page 50 of “How to Survive an Affair“.
If you choose not to follow any one of them then you will place your efforts at great risk.
Learn and abide by these rules or you risk not successfully rebuilding broken trust with your spouse.
And without trust recreating a happy, nurturing relationship again will not happen.
3. The Transparency Mindset (page 52)
We talked about transparency earlier in this post.
On page 52 of “How to Survive an Affair” Dr. Gunzburg shares his insight on how to build the mindset to rebuild trust back in your relationship through open communication and while not losing your identity and freedom.
You do not want your spouse to spy on your every move, do you?
Your spouse just needs to feel like you do not have ulterior motives with your actions.
4. Five Pitfalls that Ruin Transparency…that ignite mistrust all over again with your hurt spouse (page 53)
On page 53 Dr. Gunzburg spells out 5 (of many more) situations that will cause your spouse to envision the worst.
You have to know these and avoid them at all costs. Dr. G will show you how to steer clear of danger.
5. How to Create the Heartfelt Apology (page 86)
The first thing your spouse will judge how sincere you are is based on your apology.
You know which one.
The one where you sit him/her down and pour out your emotions.
This apology sets the stage for all the other action outlined here in this post.
And you can read the six critical steps to creating that remorseful apology, including the exact phrasing that will rebuild trust starting on page 86.
[Click Here] to read my PROs and CONs review of “How to Survive an Affair”
[Download] a copy at 50% Off the original price from Dr. Gunzburg’s secure, encrypted site with 90-day-money-back guarantee.