Does true love exist? Despite your husband’s (or wife’s) emotional affair, can you repair your relationship?
My experience when I cheated (on my first wife) was that an emotional affair is often an infatuation with receiving good feelings from the other woman, feelings of affirmation that you are liked.
These good feelings you receive from the woman outside your relationship seem to quench the empty feelings you are experiencing at the present time, but by no means do they encompass true love.
An emotional affair is about feeling good and feelings only.
Just like a good cup of coffee provides that jolt of energy in the morning as you peel your exhausted body out of bed, or that glass of wine that seems to wipe all your worries away or when a woman seems to be perfect and provide nothing but happy feelings it becomes hard to resist.
Feelings don’t last.
Can a man/woman honestly expect to receive those good feelings for ever from his mistress or continue to provide them to her for long?
You will still feel a need for another cup of coffee, another glass of wine and no matter how many times your husband hears the other woman’s voice through the phone, reads her soothing words in a secret email or sees that smiling, happy face it will never be enough.
Eventually real life has to set in. She is no different than other woman. She eats, craps, has bad breath in the morning, whines when things don’t go right, feels a need to complain about her nagging girlfriends or annoying people at work, she will expect you to listen and know things you don’t care to know, and on and on.
Infatuation is a drug that does not last. True love does.
So What Is True Love?
Loaded question, right? It’s about as deep as, “What is the meaning of life?”
Well, I am not afraid to take a shot at the answer.
I believe true love between two people occurs when the both of them mutually care about each other’s feelings and well-being and realize there will always be storms ahead and no matter what challenge they face will stick together to support one another.
So what about romance?
Hollywood tries to sell us on the feelings of euphoria of the man arriving to the front door soaking wet from the down-pouring rain just to say he is sorry and that she is the woman he needs.
Romance feels good, and I believe at times romantic moments spice up a boring routine, but nothing feels more fulfilling than true love; knowing your spouse truly cares about you. When you know you have a loyal teammate, someone that will help you make lemonade when life hands you a lemon, you know true love exists between you both.
A Few Signs Your Husband /Wife Understands True Love
• If you get sick, he goes out for medicine or stays with you in bed to give you company.
• Regularly sacrifices his own needs to help satisfy hers
• Illustrates giving, not taking
• Helps complete daily tasks to ensure stability in their lives.
• Support each other’s needs for self-improvement (career, health, learning)
• Illustrates he understands her need for recreation and alone time.
• Admits his mistakes and can apologize
• Takes ownership of his own personal emotional problems, no longer looks for escape, can confront them with his spouse
Obviously there are many more signs, but the ultimate idea here is if true love exists in a relationship then he should believe in sharing. Getting involved in something that hurts your well-being breaks up the “team”. Likewise, you the wife should believe in doing many of the things above if you believe in true love too.
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(Many) Guys Understand Teamwork. Sports Is A Good Analogy to Prove He Understands True Love
Many guys love sports and competition. No man would ever dream of dropping his favorite team and begin to root for the other team. He understands that not every season is successful and that you cannot win every game. And so he should easily see how relationships can become stale and boring and are not always going to be happy. So too should he understand that there will be challenging times and just like a team needs to move forward despite losing games you must understand touch times in marriage are temporary.
Therefore, ultimately if your husband illustrates that being with another woman breaks up “the team” then he truly shows that he acted out of character.
Furthermore, to illustrate he understands what true love is it’s important he display an understanding that an affair leads to a dead end, that it does not offer the benefits of a healthy, long-lasting relationship with you.
Only then will you know if he believes in true love.
It Only Takes One to Repair a Relationship. A book that helped me survive my wife’s emotional affair.
It was very difficult to accept my wife’s affair. I was such a loving husband. I truly cared about her well-being. So why did she cheat? What was she thinking? What did she expect from another man if I was truly there for her?
Whether you buy it or not there is great information at Dr. Huizenga’s site about the meaning of true love and surviving infidelity. His infidelity survival book put my mind to rest about my wife’s emotional affair and reminded me I did my part and practiced true love in my relationship.
Feel free to read my full review to get a sneak peek before purchasing it.