“Why Do People Cheat?”: [Good/Bad] Reasons for Asking Why Your Spouse Had the Affair

Why DO People Cheat in relationships…especially when they seem to have everything they want?

I completely understand why you would want to know why your spouse chose to have an affair.

But do you really need to know their motives, reasons or details of the events?

How will it help you to know?

In this post, I will go over both the GOOD and BAD reasons to answer one of the most asked questions related to extramarital affairs, “Why do people cheat?”

Brief [PRO/CON] to Seek the Answer to “Why Do People Cheat?”

[PRO] In some cases, knowing how the infidelity took place could help you stop the affair and make your marriage better than ever.

[CON] However, on the flip side, knowing the details and why it happened could keep you trapped in misery for a very long time.

[Gain Instant, Free Access to the Infidelity Recovery Center [Click Here] for the details…]

Why It Made Sense for Me…NOT to Find Out Why My Wife Cheated

In my situation, knowing exactly why she left would not have fixed anything.

But my case is most likely different than yours.

I experienced spousal abandonment.

My now ex-wife left without notice.

No matter how much I missed the good moments we spent together nothing was going to bring her back.

In fact, after a little while she never even contacted me again.

Just completely vanished.

If I beat myself up asking the question “why do people cheat”  or wondering what would have kept her from leaving then I would never have escaped the “what if” game.

The fact is anyone capable of leaving without warning, or at least willing to discuss their unhappiness, is not someone I want to build a life-long relationship with.

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Why I’m Lucky She Leftbut your situation might be different

In the end, I feel it benefited me that she left without discussing why.

If she hadn’t left when she did, she would have left eventually.

It would have held off the inevitable.

Based on her serial cheater traits I would not have wanted to deal with the trust issues that come along with her kind of personality.

Asking the question, “why do people cheat” or begging her for the details of what she did with him would not have stopped her affair.

I never needed to fester over the tough decision to stay or go.

She did it for me.

I don’t have to live with doubt or uncertainty of what decision to make.

People like my ex with high risk cheating traits will likely just have new affairs.

But some spouses who have affairs simply make mistakes, feel ashamed, take responsibility of their decision and want to make things right.

Did your spouse just make a poor choice?

Did he/she fear confrontation and not know how to talk things over with you?

Perhaps your spouse doesn’t know why they cheated?

Maybe they have some issues to deal with that they need help to understand.

Each person and affair are different.

Some will cheat again, while others feel sorry for what they did and value their relationship with you.

Which is your situation?

That’s what we have to find out to determine if it benefits you to answer the almighty question, “why do people cheat?”- specifically why your spouse cheated.

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The Bad Reasons to Understand Your Spouse’s Affair

Based on the numerous emails I receive and the endless Facebook group posts and articles I read, some betrayed spouses never emotionally break free from the affair.

They remain trapped in misery for a very long time or perhaps forever.

Many unforeseen, misfortunate things will happen to us in our lives.

Whether they are fair or not, or if we deserve them doesn’t really matter, does it?

They still will happen.

The key to survive infidelity is how we choose to react to it.

The key to survive infidelity is how we choose to react to it.

Whether we decide to stay or leave the relationship, we will still endure the shock and pain of our spouse’s choice to cheat instead of talking to us first to nip the problem in the bud early.


Yes, you may still struggle with the re-runs of images of the two of them together replaying in your mind.

And yes, you probably will ask yourself time and again why they decided to cheat.

You’re human, you grieve.

But under some circumstances finding out the details of the affair and how it happened will cause irreparable damage.

The experts and those who have learned to emotionally survive the affair and not let it change who they are will agree on the following list.

Here Are Some Bad Reasons to Answer, Why do people cheat?

  • To compare yourself to your spouse’s lover.
  • Determine if it was your fault the affair happened.
  • Find what’s wrong with you so you can fix it.
  • Use the information to make your spouse feel guilty.
  • Attempt to blackmail and manipulate your spouse to stay.
  • Bash and shame your spouse in front of others.
  • Feel sorry for yourself and tell yourself that you don’t deserve love.

Quite frankly, any reason that will change who you are and deepen your sadness or intensify your anger is not a good reason to understand why your spouse cheated.

Quite frankly, any reason that will change who you are and deepen your sadness or intensify your anger is not a good reason to understand why your spouse cheated.

The Only Good Reason…to Know Why Your Spouse Had an Affair

If I had to cut it down to ONE positive reason to answer the question, “Why do people cheat?” then it would be:

  • To stay in a relationship that has the potential to thrive and provide an emotionally and physically safe environment for everyone in the household.

In my opinion, if this cannot happen then there is no good reason to stay in it or know the details of why the affair happened.

Do You Know the Probability they Will Cheat Again or Instead Take Action to Rebuild Broken Trust?

This is where you need to know which of the following your spouse will do next:

  • Work things out with you to repair lost trust and rebuild a happy, loving relationship.
  • Cheat again in the future with same person (or someone else).
  • Stay married with you, but would rather divorce.

Knowing how the affair happened can help you predict your spouse’s future behavior.

Knowing how the affair happened can help you predict your spouse’s future behavior.

The Recommendation that Helped Thousands Heal

Dr. Huizenga’s eBook “Break Free from the Affair” can help you discover the reasons behind the affair and accurately predict if your spouse will cheat again.

He answers the question, “Why Do People Cheat?” in this eBook.

Since you wish to decide whether you want to stay or go, it makes sense to know the odds, right?

In fact, once you identify which of his 7 types of affairs that your spouse committed, on a scale of 1-10 he predicts how likely your marriage will survive.

Each type of affair reveals the personality traits, actions and the things that type of person said who committed that kind of affair.

These details will help you figure out which kind of affair describes your spouse best and the kind of behavior to expect later from your spouse.

He bases his advice and predictions on thousands of marriage counseling hours.

“Break Free from the Affair” has helped thousands of people escape the long-term emotional pain caused my extramarital affairs.

And you can check out my review of Dr. Huizenga’s “Break Free from the Affair” or visit his website directly to read the information straight from him and look over the testimonials.

“Why Do People Cheat?” Summary

The end goal of knowing how the affair happened must serve some positive constructive purpose.

Either help you decide to stay or go.

Or assist you to form an effective strategy to confront your cheating spouse to rebuild the broken trust and strengthen the emotional bond between you two again.

However, if you want the details of the affair to quench your self-defeating obsession, then you will only set yourself up to spiral downward in an emotional abyss.

Want to discover which type of affair your spouse committed?

Wish to Accurately Predict How Your Spouse Will Behave in the Future?

Figure Out Your Best Course of Action…

Visit Dr. Huizenga’s information page of his eBook Break Free from the Affair.

break free from the affair

“Show Me the ‘Break Free from the Affair’ Details”

[Click Here] to View Information of “Break Free from the Affair”



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