Want the most effective way to look irresistible to men? Learn how to Make Him Chase You…by triggering his deep-emotional desire to pursue you ingrained in his DNA.
Yes, you hold the power in dating, not him.
I believe that whole-heartedly that you can dictate what happens in dating and established relationships nearly 100% of the time, and not us men.
But do you believe it?
You can find a number of posts on this blog regarding the importance for you to learn the beauty and power of how to make him chase you.
Specifically, men who seek something wholesome that lasts.
Men who want long-term love.
Not just a beautiful trophy girl to date.
But how does getting a man with a healthy set of values to chase you and turn it into a lasting relationship?
Is there some kind of psychological switch that you flick when you make him chase you?
Recently I met someone who I believe has the answer to that question.
She is an online dating and relationship coach named Ashley Kay.
It amazed me how similar our thoughts and opinions are on dating and relationships.
Her articles not only shared insightful action-oriented steps to find, attract and create deep-emotional love with men they were entertaining and fun to read, especially her series, “The Secret to Make Him Chase You”.
I couldn’t resist reaching out to her to invite her to do an interview which I post here below.
At the end of this text interview Ashley provides a link to her secrets how to confidently get a man to actively pursue and seek a long-term relationship with you (without pushing).
[The Key to a Man’s Heart] Make Him Chase You…why it leads to long-lasting love (and even marriage)
Interview with Online Dating Coach Ashley Kay (from AshleyKay.com)
Today, I am excited to introduce to you my visitors the opportunity to not only make a new friend in the dating world, but to discover a new secret that I haven’t even come across yet about how to successfully date men.
This secret could set you on a new path that leads to a long-term boyfriend or perhaps even life-long relationship with a husband.
In this interview Ashley will share some insightful dating philosophies how to attract and keep the kind of quality man who will finally put your search to an end.
I write a lot about finding true love on my blog and read many articles and books written by world-renown dating coaches and I learn a lot about the “what-to-do”, but not the “why-it-works”.
If you are a “why-does-it-work” kind of person then sit back and enjoy what Ashley Kay has in-store for you today.
This is the first time I have come across the reasoning behind why when you make him chase you that you can find Mr. Right and how it makes him want to be your boyfriend.
May I introduce you to Ashley?
The first few interview questions give you the opportunity to learn Ashley’s story of how she got into coaching, her philosophies of how to date successfully and her opinion on what men look for in women when choosing a mate (besides physical beauty).
Ashley, please introduce yourself and briefly describe where you live/work and how a typical daily routine as a dating/relationship coach looks for you?
“My name is Ashley Kay and I live in Newcastle Australia. I’m a dating and relationship blogger, coach and online expert. I mostly help women at the moment with dating and relationships.
A typical day for me is to check email, look for the latest news/problems for trends and to tackle the tasks I’ve set for that day; usually it’s creating content for my blog and newsletter, as well as marketing related tasks.
At the moment I’m busy creating a new product so that is taking up a large portion of my time.”
What made you decide to become a dating/relationship coach?
“I’ve always had a fascination with relationship dynamics and male and female psychology. The way we think and the choices we make in relationships have always interested me. My parents also divorced when I was a teenager and I saw first-hand the struggles they faced in their relationship.
They were so miserable together that I guess I wanted to make it my mission to ensure I “didn’t” end up that way.
Of course, that mission was easier said than done.
We all have patterns of behaviour we naturally fall into. And often those behaviours are learned from our parents.
I realized at some point that if I wanted to have a successful relationship, I needed to understand myself and how to change parts of me I didn’t like.
That led to my interest in understanding “how people can change” and “how to do it practically to improve their situation”.
Once I saw changes in my own life, I naturally wanted to help others in this area – so becoming a dating/relationship coach was a natural progression of things for me.”
Who is your target clientele as a dating coach?
“Women in their late 20s to late 30s. I feel women during this age feel the most pressure to get their “relationships” in order. The average age for career women to want to get married and start a family is around 27 – 30. That’s the time when they’ve felt like they’ve succeeded enough in their careers that they want to focus on the next step – starting a family.
I also know for single women during this time, it can be VERY difficult to date. The dating scene changes a lot between your 20s to your 30s. The men still available in that age bracket often have baggage or commitment issues.
It’s important to be aware and sensitive to those issues. Especially if you want to snatch up a good man and settle down within a reasonable amount of time.
Plus, if you’re a decent looking, successful and well-rounded woman you don’t want to settle with just any man – you want someone who can be your equal. That naturally narrows the dating pool. That’s why I highly encourage women to get out and meet more men.”
What do you feel sets you apart from other dating coaches?
“I feel a big part of what’s missing is exactly HOW to feel confident when it comes to dealing with men. I mean there’s a lot of advice on how men think and what men want – but my problem with that is – why should the focus be on the men?
It gives women empathy for men – which is great – but it also creates a level of stress and anxiety. It perpetuates the message that women inherently are “not good enough” unless they can please the guy they’re with.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a level of that when dating – being a good date is a large part of attracting a quality partner – but then what? Once a woman has attracted a great man, how does she ensure she also has the confidence to keep him?
A lot of confident women turn into insecure needy women when dating a quality guy. If your actions change based on how “great” a guy is, you still have some work to do on your confidence level.
There’s just not enough advice on HOW to keep that confidence and build a high self-esteem – so you can attract and keep a healthy relationship.”
But don’t you feel both sides feel insecure? I mean there’s a lot on the line. If you find someone who you feel real good about, you don’t want to lose them. Do you coach women how to set the stage for a man to feel welcome and confident continuing to pursue her while acting himself?
“That’s a great question. I’m very well-aware of both side’s insecurities. I coach men as well and it definitely taught me the concerns they have. I can understand where both are coming from. It’s why I tell women to be encouraging to men, to cut them some slack, to be EMPATHETIC to what they are going through as well.
I’ve found this helped a lot when dating because women tend to be self-obsessed and overly analytical. Women are really afraid of being taken advantage of, but then the focus is too much on “how not to get hurt”, instead of “how can I get to know him more?
And that comes back to being confident in yourself. If you know you’ll be ok either way, you can relax and enjoy the dating experience. When you relax, the man will tend to relax as well.”
Do you coach women from all over the world?
“Yes, I do. I’ve done a fair bit of travelling and have met women and men of different cultures. The problems I find in dating and relationships are universal. We all want the same things.
Women want a guy who is stable and reliable – whilst feeling loved and special.
Men want to feel admired and respected by their woman – and know he can make her happy.
Aside from looks what are some of the qualities that men find attractive in women?
“The big ones are a positive outlook on life, a healthy level of independence and confidence.
Men are very attracted to women who have their own life and are not needy. Men also want a woman who is independent but can be easily pleased. Especially early on in dating, I encourage women to be easy-going and easy to get along with.
A lot of women get too vocal about what they want and don’t want too early – before the guy has even had a chance to see the “best parts of her”. Sell yourself first, once he is hooked, you can lay down some standards.
And if a man knows more than one woman who has these qualities then what will set one apart from the other?
Then it comes down to compatibility. Men, when serious about finding a partner – look for a woman with similar values and life goals to him. He is trying to envision how she would fit into his world and how he would fit into hers.
He is trying to envision how she would fit into his world and how he would fit into hersDating Coach Ashley Kay
If she shares different goals and values – he’s better off being her friend instead. A life-long partner needs to share the SAME life goals as you. If a woman wants to travel around the world, while you’d rather stay in your hometown, clearly you’re not going to be long term compatible with that woman.
People who don’t consider this tend to experience more short-lived relationships. Falling into relationships due to high chemistry will give you that. Ideally you want to find a partner with both high chemistry and high compatibility.”
You discuss learning how to “make him chase you” in your blog? What do you mean by that?
“I’ve learned that men who chase women persistently will result in a happier long-term relationship. This is evident throughout nature as well. In the animal kingdom the males tend to be the pursuers, while the female are the choosers.
You won’t see a female lion trying to chase down a male lion to copulate with him. It just doesn’t happen. The females have always been the one to choose whether the male is successful or not.
This works as long as the man you want IS the one pursuing you. But what if he isn’t? With there being so many choices out there for both men and women – what if you like a man and he doesn’t pursue you? Or doesn’t keep pursuing you?
A lot of men also worry about coming across desperate – especially around quality women. It makes dating confusing for both genders.
I felt there needed to be more information – more detail – on how you should tackle this. As well as dispel some of the misconceptions about playing hard to get. When women do this badly, it shows and men are turned off by it. Decent men are sick of the games and they will not tolerate that kind of behaviour.
But that’s not to say women should simply be completely blunt, open and revealing about everything. That is not necessarily being “attractive” either. There is a fine line there and it’s working out how to have that balance when dating.”
I’ve learned that men who chase women persistently will result in a happier long-term relationship.Dating Coach Ashley Kay
Doesn’t that make him look desperate? Why would women want a man to chase them?
“There is a difference between looking desperate and looking interested. Men can’t just blindly pursue without taking into account her actions. Men should be asking themselves, ‘Is she showing interest back? Is she putting in any effort here? Or am I doing all the work?’
If a guy isn’t critically analysing her behaviour and adjusting their investment level in comparison to hers – well then yes, they will come across desperate.
When a woman is interested in a man, she will NATURALLY let him know. She’ll do this by answering him thoroughly (not with short one-word answers). She will ask him questions. She will encourage him to get to know her more. She will show genuine interest in him at all times during their interaction.
Women want a man to chase because we’re programmed to like the attention men give us. But like I said, as a man, you have to watch her actions. Only chase her if she wants to be chased. Her actions or lack of will show you what she’s thinking.”
Is this just a mind-hack that only works temporarily? How will chasing help form a long-term relationship?
“On my blog I talk about laying some fundamentals first before getting into the tactical side of things. Of course, if you only use tactics to try to “trick” a man into a relationship, then it will be temporary. There are a few things I talk about like delaying your responses and using mystery and intrigue to lure a man in – but those things by itself are the icing on the cake.
Once again, it comes back to having confidence that you have inherent value and worth. This confidence needs to permeate throughout every date and interaction.
It’s not just what you text him or how fast or slow you text him.
Women do themselves a disservice when they act like their looks, their status or their actions towards a man are what makes them valuable to him. They have merit, but not the long-term kind. Superficial traits never last.
And if you emphasis on the superficial, you’ll also attract a man who only cares about the superficial. Superficial worth is not enough to carry you to the long term because they are never fixed.
Throughout life, your looks will change, your financial situation will change, your status will change too. What you like and dislike will change as well. When a relationship hinges on these things, it’s not surprising that it will not last.”
When you make him chase you isn’t that the same as “playing hard to get”? What’s the difference?
“There isn’t much difference. Playing hard to get isn’t a bad thing by itself. It adds spice, drama and excitement to your relationship – even if you’ve between together for twenty years. I haven’t known any man who didn’t like a little playful teasing and coquettish behaviour.
What I see men NOT like is a woman who is deceitful, inconsistent and unreliable. But, a woman who acts this way is not really playing hard to get, she’s just confused or in a messed-up position in life.
I guess as a man, you need to be able to decipher which one you’re dealing with.”
How can my visitors contact you? And what programs, services or products can you help them with?
“You can check out my website at https://ashleykay.com. I publish a new article every week about dating and relationships – I also offer many free tools and resources on dating and getting the relationship you want through my email list.
My main program, Irresistible Dating Method, goes into details about how to build confidence for women, how to get a man to chase you uncontrollably and how to get a man to want to commit to you (without pushing). I also have personal coaching available as well.
Thank you Ashley for your insightful views on dating and relationships and advice. I look forward to future guest appearances from you. 🙂
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