Why Cheating Men Stay Married: 10 Reasons They Don’t Divorce or Leave

No cheating man hopes or plans to get caught in an affair. But why do some cheating men stay married after their wife finds out about his affair? To maintain an affair you go through a lot of trouble of living a second life.

I receive numerous emails from betrayed wives whose husbands USUALLY still see the Other Woman after getting caught!

It crushes my heart every time.

And it’s blatantly obvious from their detailed messages that their serial cheating husband is completely mentally and emotionally adrift. He has no intention of treating her the way she wants. Yet, he sticks around with her and still cheats.

These heart-crushed wives pray and hope for a miracle.

You’d think that their husbands must have wanted the Other Woman so badly that once they got caught that they’d just ask for a divorce or leave, right?

Not always true.

It depends on why they cheated or if the cheating serves as an exit strategy from a marriage they have already checked out mentally and emotionally. (My ex-wife did this to me).

Why Married Men Cheat vs Why Cheating Men Stay Married

The reasons men (or people in general) cheat often points to their personality handling conflict (both internally with themselves and with others).

This post does not pertain so much as to why men cheat, as much as it does to why cheating men stay married…

…and at the end of this reading offers insight and a suggestion of how to determine if you can save your marriage. I also suggest an effective resource that reveals the first steps to stop the affair and turn things around.

But a little insight as to why men cheat can help you decide if your cheating husband wants to stop the affair and rebuild the trust back with you. And so I agree that there are many cases when married men cheat that they still love you, value the relationship with you and want to fix the marriage.

Such instances could be when married men cheat by turning to old patterns of addictive tendencies from their youth that helped them feel better during confusing times in their lives.  Many experts in psychology, as well as couples marital counselors, believe that these kinds of behaviors can be reversed.

[Take Poll]…and at the Bottom of this Post [Share Your Opinion]

Bashing Him Will NOT Fix the Marriage…It Will ONLY Push Him Away

Anyone can understand your frustration and rage after discovering your husband’s betrayal, but berating him with insults and pushing him to make decisions will only backfire on you.

He made his own decision behind your back to see another woman and he will need to make his own decision to stay married and rebuild lost trust.

Anger certainly feels more empowering than depression, but if you want to save your marriage then you have other options on how to take a strong stance with your cheating husband.

Today I write because I want to help you understand what you’re up against and then, if possible, how to win him back.

But keep one thing in mind.

It only takes one to make the first step to recovery (you), but it takes two to fall back in love and rebuild the relationship.

10 Reasons Cheating Men Stay Married…Don’t Divorce or Leave the Marriage … and Even Sometimes Still See the Other Woman

1. Ashamed of Getting Caught but Saves Some Face by Staying

Many cheating men stay married quite frankly because they feel ashamed and do not know how to react. So by sticking around they believe they can appear somewhat responsible by staying.

2. No Back Up Plan

Other cheating men stay married because they never thought that they’d get caught. Therefore, they never made a back up plan or strategy what to do next. For now, they just want to buy extra time while they decide what they want to do.

3. No Exit Plan

As I mentioned above, other men cheat because they want out. They do not see things getting better either because they tried making things better and it didn’t work or they haven’t even attempted at all. But now they got caught before they could create an exit strategy of where to live and the details for separation, so instead these cheating men stay married for convenience.

4. Unique Feelings He Never Got Before (or Not in a While)

All men love to feel attractive and appreciated. And when their marriage experiences an emotional lull they become vulnerable to meet someone who temporarily gives them the attention they’ve longed for (cheating women go through this too). They stay married because, to them, these feelings are NOT the most important reason to be in a relationship. But at this point he may no longer feel the need to keep seeing the Other Woman.

5. He Won’t Let Go

On the other hand, he went through a slump in the marriage, found someone who gives him the emotional attention he craves and he does not want to lose that. Therefore, he’ll find a way to see The Other Woman. But he still prefers the safe, comfortable feeling of the married life with you.

6. Doesn’t See Her REAL Side Like He Sees Yours

Similar to the previous reason, some cheating men stay married because he believes he can hide the affair better this time while pretending to be faithful with you. He still erroneously believes that she is perfect and maybe she is “the One” and sees you as the false soulmate. Yes, I know that hurts to read, but it’s the ugly truth in some cases.

7. Thinks He Has Options and Gets to Choose Later

This case is similar to number 1, except here he decides that it comes down to you or her, and not be alone without a relationship. So while you might want help to save the marriage (just not sure how or where yet), he misinterprets your apparent inaction as you giving him a choice between you or her. And after all, if he blames the affair on you, then he feels he deserves the right to choose (as stupid of a reason that is).

8. The Safety and Comfort of Familiarity (Something He Does NOT Get with Her)

He may not want to see her. And in his mind right now, he does not even care too much about the relationship with you either. He’s just thankful if he can get away with not paying any consequences (moving out) while still keeping everything in his life safe and sound (house, friends, activities, job).

9. You Haven’t Taken a Stronger Stance

He would work things out with you, he feels shame and regret, he doesn’t see the Other Woman, but keeps in touch. He doesn’t want to hurt her either by completely breaking up. BUT the reason he keeps talking to her is because you haven’t taken a stronger stance on him cutting off all contact with her. And I get it, you don’t know what to do yet.

That’s why you should keep reading to the end of this post.

10. He Still Loves You and Realizes His Life is Better with You 🙂

And the good news is that some cheating men stay married because they absolutely hate themselves for what they did, but don’t know how to go about repairing the emotional damage with you. I invite your husband to read my post for how unfaithful partners can rebuild trust (and also read my review of the resource I suggest within it).

They feel so ashamed that they clam up and shut down emotionally. Obviously, these last two points leave the door open to save the marriage.

So Now What Can You Do Next If You Want to Save the Marriage?

The key to stop your husband’s affair and to re-create a happy marriage again is, first, to determine if he will do his part to save the relationship.

Does he want to have a happy marriage with you again?

That’s why I recommend to the majority of my visitors and newsletter subscribers that they read “Break Free from the Affair” (read my review).

The author/relationship coach Dr. Huizenga provides the details of his 7 different kinds of affairs.

He also describes the personality traits of the kind of person who commits each one and the scenarios that surround all of them.

[On a Scale of 1-10] the Probability that You Can Save Your Marriage

The most unique feature of Break Free from the Affair is that Dr. Huizenga offers a prediction for each kind of affair on a scale of 1-10 of how likely you can save your marriage.

This benefits you to know what challenge lies ahead.

Furthermore, he describes what kind of behavior to expect from your betraying spouse, how long the affair will last and the probability that your spouse will cheat again.

Find Out Why Your Husband Cheated and the Best Strategy to Confront Him to Stop His Affair

break free from the affair

[Click Here] to read my detailed PROs and CONs review of Break Free from the Affair.

[Free Membership] The Infidelity Recovery Center

You can download a sneak peak of Break Free from the Affair (the 7 Kinds of Affairs Cheat Sheet) as well as nearly 10 other free resources by accepting the free membership into Dr. Huizenga’s Infidelity Recovery Center.

dr. huizenga 's free level one infidelity recovery center membership

In fact, read over my reviews of the [free Infidelity Recovery Center membership] and the more advanced level memberships.

It Only Takes One to Make the First Step … But It Takes Two to Fix It

If you want to keep your marriage and return to a happy life with your husband then you must make the first move.

You do not have the choice of waiting and letting time heal.

It’s proven by marriage counselors and other experts in the field that the longer you wait to learn and apply the techniques to save the marriage, the harder and less likely you will accomplish it.

Joining the Infidelity Recovery Center or reading Break Free from the Affair may only make up a portion of the methods and tools you learn to survive your husband’s affair, but it’s a great place to start.

I invite you to read my reviews of Break Free from the Affair and of the Free Infidelity Recovery Center.

And Here’s My [Free Gift] of Appreciation for Visiting Today…

cheating men stay married

Download 17 Keys to Affair Recovery (Self-Healing)

[Click Here] to Download Your Own Copy


[Share Your Opinion] Why Do Cheating Men Stay Married? 

What Are They Thinking? What’s Their Motivation to Stay?

Please Help All the Other Women Reading this Post.

(Don’t Be Shy). Leave Your Comment BelowNow.

  1. Reply
    Mike January 10, 2018 at 21:46

    This stuff happens to men too! I thought my serial cheating wife wanted to work things out. I got stupid, believed her. The whole time she wanted out. She left after she had saved more money to move out. Then kept seeing the OP! I’m so dumb!

    • Reply
      Orlando January 11, 2018 at 02:09

      Definitely know the feeling Mike. None of us want to believe that our spouses will cheat on us. So when it happens we still want to believe everything will turn around and work out. Thank you for sharing and if you feel like talking to someone outside the situation please send me a message on my contact page.

  2. Reply
    Lillian December 6, 2017 at 04:04

    My husband cheated for 10 years. I never suspected anything. Long term affairs, shortterm, one night, threesomes and also with a male. Went to extreme measures to hide it from me, which was relatively easy as he worked interstate and had ‘work trips’ over the same period. He has said he started cheating because he didn’t get enough sex and that he might have fallen out of love with me during my difficult pregnancy. Started with port, then websites, then hookups, then work affairs. He had deep emotional and physical relationships with a couple of women. He doesn’t know why he had a sexual one with a man. He never expressed much to me but was very engaged with a work colleague and a woman from a hookup site that ‘caught’ him out pretending he was single. He rang them both for hours every week. He told them everything about his life with me and our kids. The one who caught him, did threaten to expose him, so he did everything for her. He also had unprotected sex with her because he trusted her! The woman from work knew him well and was single, but had no problem having an emotional and sexual affair with him. I have no idea why he never left the marriage and why he is still here. The moment I discovered his infidelity, he dropped all 4 of his ‘escapedes’ even though I only knew about 1 of them at the time. He never disclosed anything to me post D-day, I found out through one mistress who contacted me when she was dumped. The same woman had stalked me for years ( he knew) and had had weekends away with him, a diamond ring with promises of a future together, and had sex with him in our 20th, 21st and 25th anniversary ( he flew over to spend the day/night with her). He says she meant nothing but the availability of sex to him. The funny thing is, when we had sex, he was horrible to me, not caring, not emotionally connected to me. With them it was a very different story. Why is he now staying and working so hard to keep me, someone he didn’t give a shit about for so long? I am totally confused!!

    • Reply
      Orlando January 11, 2018 at 03:05

      I am so sorry for not responding to this comment earlier. The truth is that it seems that my back end system is preventing all comments from getting through. I had to look in the trash bin to find them all. Sorry again. I don’t know if this will make you feel any better, but your response is somewhat typical to the emails I receive. So do not feel alone. Your husband appears to have the traits of a serial cheater. He has no idea why he does it because the emotional issues that lead to his decision to cheat run so deep that he does not even see them. Most likely his self-esteem is very low, he needs the attention to validate his own self-worth. He has strung along all these other women too, making them feel important. No doubt he told them all sob stories of what he was missing in his relationship with you. And they all fell for it. But now he gets to “have his cake and eat it too” by staying with you in a safe life where he has a roof over his head and a bed to sleep in. And the sad part is I would predict that this is not over. And if he doesn’t stop what will you do? Unless he sees the problem lies within himself and wants to seek help to fix his own issues then you will live these nightmares forever. My question to him would be why do you want to stay married? What do you get out of it? Why do you want to stop cheating? Please keep safe and think for yourself. You may be standing at a fork in the road in which both paths lead to something uncomfortable. Which path leads to some kind of peace at the end?

How do you feel about this topic?

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