So you want to understand what men want in a relationship? Then here goes the perfect girlfriend list.
Not perfect in a judgey way.
More like ideal, but “ideal” sounds boring, so that’s why I went with “perfect”.
Attention: You will NOT find the perfect boob size or leg length in this post.
Nope not here.
This post is all about personality traits or attributes men want in long-term relationships.
Yes, you were correct in saying that we love physical attributes, but those qualities fade with time and no man wants to remain lonely.
Compatible personalities capture our hearts.
A psychological study even suggests that a man’s judgement on a woman’s personality influences his opinion on her physical beauty.
Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I put forth my best effort to compile a thorough list of ideal female characteristics practically any man would find desirable.
In addition, I sought to take a unique approach compared to other similar posts on the web, by adding the questions that us men might ask ourselves when deciding if a woman is long-term girlfriend material.
Us guys are very picky when the moment arises that we choose a woman with whom we will spend a lot of time with.
Many articles and books written by dating coaches agree that a couple things stand out to men when choosing a mate
He’ll ask himself these questions when considering dating a woman:
1) “Does she make me feel good around her and will she continue to do so?”
2) “Will the rest of my life outside of the relationship with her function as normal or will I have to give up on my goals, dreams and other interests to keep her happy?”
The perfect girlfriend list below supports these two “must-haves”.
Please take the poll and share your detailed opinions at the end.
Do you agree with the points on my list? Did I miss any?
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The Perfect Girlfriend List: What Men Want in A Relationship
…and the Questions Guys Ask Themselves About Women They Contemplate Dating
Compliments, Feel Liked and Adored
- “Does she tell me that she likes my laugh, sense of humor or smile?”
- “Do I receive any compliments about my physique or physical features?”
- “Does she seem to enjoy my company? And does she express her admiration through words and actions?”
If a girl makes a man feel good when they spend time together then, naturally he will want to keep seeing her. Sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised how many girls seem to miss this point.
What’s one of the best ways to make him feel good around you. Well, the same thing you’d want- admiration through compliments.
And while, yes, actions can speak louder than words, men do NOT like to guess. Tell us you like us straight and to the point.
Do not leave doubt!
Just learn to do it in a flirty way to keep us interested and chasing you.
- “Is she fun to be around?”
- “Does she laugh?”
- “Is she spontaneous?”
- “Does she make me laugh?”
- “Is she fun to talk with? Do we have interesting conversations?”
We work hard. You work hard. Let’s go have fun. Everyone’s idea of fun changes from one person to the next.
Aim to find the person whose idea of excitement matches yours. I might quiver at the idea of steep-downhill skiing, and would rather relax at a fancy, dim-lit steak restaurant or wine bar.
The little things matter most in the end though.
If he likes you, the venue and activity won’t dictate how much he enjoys your company.
We want to feel that you like who we are without changing us.
Do you laugh at our jokes (don’t fake it though please)?
Can we tease each other and create new inside jokes and pet names?
Life is hard. Let’s not be serious all the time.
Respect His Goals and Dreams
- “Will she respect what I do for a living?”
- “Will she respect my life goals?”
As I mentioned in the introduction of this post, there are two things that matter most to us. This lists just breaks them down more into detail.
Just because we find you attractive both physically and your personality traits doesn’t mean that will suffice.
If we feel that you do not support what we seek to accomplish in our own personal lives then you become a jeopardy to our overall happiness.
I have met some many women who practically demand that you conduct your career in the way that suits them both in financial terms and to make them feel proud.
That is not your decision.
Conversely, I do not believe I have ever heard a man attempt to control what his girlfriend or wife does for a career.
It’s your life.
- “Does she display lady-like mannerisms (body language, facial expressions, walk, choice of clothes and apparel, choice of perfume and scents, etc.)?”
- “Does she speak like a lady?”
This point may seem like I am referring more to physical attributes, but actually we associate your facial expressions, your scent and choice of clothes with your personality. Just like you do with us.
I have seen how many women fight the idea of men appreciating feminine qualities in women.
Sorry, it’s just the way it is.
But I feel that there is a misconception about what that means.
Somehow the male bashers appear and put words into our mouths and fill the comment sections on blog posts about how we want sex, sexy and sexiest and nothing else- or some other version of “stripper”.
Look at the droves of wives and girlfriends walking hand-in-hand with their boyfriends or husbands at the malls.
Tell me please.
What percentage of them look like a stripper.
Like, close to none, right?
So I’ll break down what WE deem feminine charm.
ANY man prefers to date women with pretty, lady-like qualities. That does NOT mean that we demand drop-dead gorgeous, bootilicious-side-to-side swerving and rip-our-clothes-off stares from you.
We just want to feel like we are dating something the opposite of what we are.
Men see women as pretty flowers (whether that is right or wrong, that’s the way it is on our perfect girlfriend list).
And the women who understand and buy into this point tend to have a line of men tagging along behind them.
- “Do we fit each other sexually?”
- (Or if you are waiting until marriage to have sex). “Do we feel comfortable and compatible touching each other?”
- “Does she seem insecure with her sexuality and bash men for liking sex?”
Yes, sex is important.
No, it is NOT the most important in a long-term relationship, but it does matter and that is why I added it to my perfect girlfriend list.
Healthy relationships will not survive on sex alone, but they will not last without it.
And if intimate contact seems awkward between you two it could cause major challenges later.
Regardless of what he desires, it is my opinion that you both fit each other sexually.
Emotionally Stable, Easy-Going
- “Is she a happy person or does she seem discontent?”
- “Is she super sensitive and intense?”
- “Does she bring a lot of drama to the relationship?”
You may have a ton in common.
And when things go well, you might both float in heaven-like bliss, but if he feels you flick an emotional switch when things don’t go well, then the rest of this perfect girlfriend list means little.
We do NOT like drama.
And if you complain and come across as a bitter human being then it’s only a matter of time before we no longer enjoy your company.
If you cannot find happiness on your own you will not find it with someone else.
- “When we disagree will she attempt to make me feel guilty and evil for having my point of view or will she respect that I have a different opinion?”
- “Does she attempt to get her way by raising her voice?”
- “Does she bash my character, “put words in my mouth” or insult me to get what she wants?”
It’s not all about fun and games and my perfect girlfriend list would suffer without mentioning the importance of how we would want to handle relationship when we disagree.
Respect His Personal Space
- “Will she respect my time with friends and family or give me sh– about being around them, or worse belittle them?”
- “Can I watch the game in peace? Can’t I do the dishes after?”
- “Will I have to ask for permission to hang out with my guy friends?”
We love spending time with you, but we need our space.
If you can learn to not take this personally then the relationship will find itself in a healthy spot.
Do not misinterpret our choice to spend time with someone else other than you into meaning that we don’t love you or are looking for a way to escape.
If you do that, then you will end up move into the “clingy” zone.
Men despise clinginess.
Respect Him in Front of Others
- “Will she keep respecting me later or change?”
- “Will she respect me in front of my friends, family and in public?”
Not too long ago a female co-worker friend of mine belittled her friendly boyfriend in front of me and other fellow co-workers.
I got sick to my stomach.
Yes, he perhaps should learn to stand up for himself, but that is no excuse for her behavior.
My ex-wife found it normal to raise her voice at me in front of both my family members and hers.
Despite her own mother and close aunt suggesting she refrain from it, she continued.
And now she is my ex.
Win the battle, lose the war.
Fulfill His Hero Instinct
- “Will she make me feel like I protect her (financially, physically, spiritually)?”
- “Do I feel like her ‘Superman’?”
- “Can I come to her rescue to help her with the little things?”
Ladies, this one is huge.
And it ties together many of the other points on this perfect girlfriend list.
My favorite dating guide for women is the “His Secret Obsession”.
In it, dating coach James Bauer shares the secret male-mind hack of how when a woman taps into his DNA-driven “Hero Instinct”, it triggers a deep emotional, obsessive desire to chase her.
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Help Him Feel Needed
- “Will she make me feel important to her or will I feel like 4th place in her life?”
- “Does she scoff at the idea of asking me for help?”
- “Does she find any of my skills handy to helping her resolve any problems that pop up?”
As you know, men like to solve problems.
We can’t resist.
Of course, sometimes this gets in the way of allowing you to vent your frustrations regarding what your bickering, back-stabbing co-workers did to you today.
We men need to know when to stop trying to solve your problems in those situations.
You also need to know when it’s time to call us for help.
Just like the previous point suggests that we want to feel like your hero, this is our way to act as heroes.
We need to fix stuff and feel needed.
Every guy has a skill he feels at least adequate in his ability to help you.
We want to rescue the damsel in distress.
Don’t fight it.
Play along and let him give to you in the way he knows how best.
The importance of feeling needed is of utmost importance to us and holds a firm spot on our perfect girlfriend list.
- “Is she strong and independent or super needy?”
- “Does she only take and will she have giving heart?”
- “Is she clingy?”
Not all men are attracted to strong women.
It can frustrate an Alpha Male or intimidate a Beta Male, but I think it is safe to say that most men like confident, thoughtful women.
We can do without the kind of women who are greedy, clingy or manipulative.
Appreciate and Thank His Giving Heart
- “Will she show appreciation for my effort to make her happy?”
- “Will what I can provide be enough?”
We fear that what we have and offer will not be enough for you.
Feeling secure in our relationships is of utmost importance on our perfect girlfriend list of attributes.
It’s embedded into our DNA to fear another man with more coming along and stealing you from us.
But it is true for ALL men.
Learn to say thank you and that you had a good time.
Tell him you miss him.
Text him that you are thinking about him.
Learn the power of texting to make him feel appreciated. (LINK)
Respect Our Relationship
- “How will she handle other men flirting with her?”
- “Will she tell the world about our arguments or keep them private?”
Ok, vent a little with your family and friends.
And I admit. I struggle with this one.
But there are some things you just got to keep private.
And whatever you do, do NOT get in-between him and his family.
If you attempt to win his family or friends to your side you are on a one-way ticket to a relationship dead-end.
Tattle on him to his parents or siblings and it will come back to haunt you.
Even if it doesn’t work.
He will despise that you tried to push his family apart from him.
Touch and Physical Intimacy
- “Does she like to kiss and enjoy touch or is she super uncomfortable with it?”
We’re not talking about sex here.
Instead just holding and lighter intimacy.
Especially early on in the courtship stages.
If we feel that you like us then we want to kiss and hold your hand.
The last thing we want is to feel like a creep.
But some woman come across as uncomfortable and standoff-ish when it comes to physical touch early in relationships.
In the beginning, your kiss signals to us without a shadow of a doubt that you like us.
We take the risk of going in for the kiss.
Please meet us half way.
If you are not ready then that is understandable.
Talk to him then about how you feel and make sure you tell him that you do like him, though.
Honest About What’s On Her Mind- Not Secretive
- “Will she hide what she’s thinking or give me a chance to talk things over with her?”
Please tell us what’s on your mind.
We will not feel secure with a woman who hides secrets.
If you do not feel comfortable with something we’ve said or the way we act then please give us a chance to talk it over with you.
But the woman who runs from problems will help set up a healthy relationship.
Of course, we don’t like bossy either.
No man needs to lessons in your version of reality and to be told how to be a man.
We want a girlfriend, l not a second mom.
If you feel a need to boss your man around or belittle his beliefs, desires or ways of thinking then maybe you two are not compatible.
Consider dating someone stronger in character.
The Perfect Girlfriend List Summary, [FREE PDF Download] and Suggested Male-Secrets Guide
Am I missing any characteristics on my perfect girlfriend list?
Of course, this perfect list is not perfect by any means and no one person will possess all these traits.
My intention of this post is to represent men’s deeper relationship needs.
We often receive a bad rap about being shallow, selfish creatures.
But if you believe in true love and seek a soulmate (LINK) then you should want a man that desires a deeper emotional connection.
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[Share Your Opinion Below] What parts of my Perfect Girlfriend List Do You Agree with or Disagree With?