Why the hell do happily married women cheat?
This question puzzles betrayed husbands across the globe.
And you feel like you have nowhere to turn for answers, right?
Men like you whose wife snuck behind your back for a thorough ass-lumping from some other man shattered your heart into thousands of pieces.
Hello, I am one of those men too.
Yes, married men will probably always outpace their counterparts for straying outside their relationship for sex at least once during their marriage (22% according to the 2012 Journal of Marital and Family Therapy study).
However, contrary to common belief, married women cheat too and are catching up (14% of married women cheat once according to the same study).
Many betrayed husbands turn to this resource for answers in order to provide immediate relief to their emotional grief. (link—to survive her affair)
Today I will give my best shot to provide my insight and observations to answer why married women cheat and ring the booty-call bell.
10 Reasons Married Women Cheat and Have Extramarital Sexual Affairs
1. The Sense of Adventure that Passionate, Unselfish Sex Provides
The contemporary women of today value independence more than the women of yesteryear.
They fear trapping themselves in a “this is as good as it gets life”.
Uncontrolled, “anything goes sex” injects just the excitement many stuck in a predictable and dull life.
And Divorcedmoms.com Chris Armstrong suggests that as women age the more they seek untamed sex.
Even for the men that fit all the criteria of many women’s safe and perfect husband checklist.
- Financial Security
- Groomed, Handsome
- Nice House
- Active, Well-Mannered Kids
The wayward wife still needs that last point checked…
⇒The thrill of raw, wild sex!
Young, scrapping kids who track mud on the living room carpet.
The high-level job loaded with responsibility.
When will she get a break?
How do you find an outlet for release from this bottled up pressure?
If a normal, predictable life wasn’t bad enough, add high amounts of stress on top of it and you’ve got someone feeling stuck in a seemingly endless rut.
And what better solution to uncage pent up restricted feelings than an explosive orgasm.
Should the rules be any different for women?
3. Physical, Sexual Limitations
Quantity sometimes trumps quality.
But what about when a man cannot provide either due to health issues.
And what I mean by that is either problems that kill sex drive or health conditions that cause pain while performing oral sex or intercourse.
Talk about feeling stuck.
Physical limitations have caused some happy couples to resort to open relationships just to allow the wife to fulfill unmet sexual needs.
In other words in this instance husbands let their married women cheat sexually behind their backs just to avoid her leaving him.
Read this interview of happily married wife whose marriage satisfies all her priorities except sex.
She subscribes to the site AshleyMadison.com to elicit mutually agreed-upon sex with married men.
Her thinking will shock you.
This stuff really happens.
Beckoning to family member’s needs exhausts anyone.
At what point does someone pay attention to her needs?
When you get tired of solving everyone else’s problems and taking orders from all sides some women may seek to regain a sense of power.
After all you want to control when, where and how to satisfy yourself.
The hopeless and helpless feeling of thinking your needs could linger on for an eternity without ever getting met scares the s### out of some women.
Sexual tension increases by every passing day and it must find an escape.
She wants to be on the receiving end for once, not provide for everyone else.
Finding sex outside the marriage is a desperate call for help in some cases according to Dr. Frances Coehn Praver.
5. Validation of Worth
One of the serial cheater traits in my most popular post 9 Serial Cheater Traits is low self-esteem.
Even when a caring husband pours an endless stream of unconditional love onto his wife if she has a low self-esteem she may have trouble accepting this overwhelming attention.
Quite simply you see yourself as so despicable that you do not deserve love. So you do not believe it when someone does give it to you.
Stuck believing her own low self-worth, she could seek sexual attention to satisfy her faulty self-evaluation.
My ex-cheating wife fits this mold.
6. Strong, Financially Independent
I fully endorse the strong, independent woman.
Not when these married women cheat, to set the record straight, though
Everyone has the right to choose their own path and take care of themselves.
Relationships should be an added bonus to life, not a must.
Find the right partner.
Do not just fill the void with anyone.
That’s how I see it.
And I find the old school ideology of men “taking care” of their women to point that the women depend on them for financial care taking quite disturbing.
That doesn’t work anymore.
It’s one massive volcano ready to explode.
Depending on any one person places a woman in a risky position.
The Opposite Side and Risk for Dependent Wives
Financially dependent women always run the risk of feeling vulnerable if their husband ever decides to cheat or even passes away.
If she could not afford to live on her own then her wayward man could cheat at will and, thus, leaving her helpless with no Plan B or escape route.
Now imagine a financially independent woman who is accustomed to practically pointing at whatever she wants and getting it.
What about when she goes a longtime feeling sexually unfulfilled in her marriage?
And to top things off she does not find it in her nature to work with her husband to fix it, then what?
Then she stands at a fork in the road where one path leads to uncertainty and hard work to fix her dried up sex well and the other leads to guaranteed instant sexual satisfaction.
Do you even think for a second that a woman who’s used to getting what she wants won’t cheat?
I dated such a woman many years ago.
Perhaps that is why her husband always pushed her to stop working.
Maybe he wanted to strip her of her power.
7. Lack of Attention and Affection
I can hear you sigh.
“Wow, could you be more obvious?”
Yes, I placed even an obvious reason on my list.
And it appears that the societies all over the world share the same opinion that a lack of attention and affection is a major reason why married women cheat- specifically to find sex outside the marriage.
I ran across this Nigerian sex therapist’s post who states that her “Reason Two” that women seek sexual pleasure outside their marriage is because their too-busy-husbands have shut off the attention valve.
Funmi Akingbade states that “ladies in general have an insatiable appetite for attention, approval, affirmations and devotion” and the quickest way for a woman to leap into another man’s bed is to deny her of this.
This article provides some saucy case studies plucked right from her consultations, especially the one where her client grew so tired and lonely from her husband’s complete sex abandonment that in order to seek sexual pleasure she whacked her vagina so much with sex toys to the point she numbed her clitoris.
I didn’t make it up.
Go ahead and read it here.
8. Disillusionment and Disappointment
Marriage not all it’s cracked up to be?
When the emotional rewards of committing to someone long-term don’t match your expectations then some women may seek emotional fulfillment from an outsider.
In the WebMD article “Why Married Women Cheat” Diane found it hard to believe that you could feel lonely before marrying until it happened to her.
While she never planned to cheat, the affair evolved over time starting with the opportune moment to hit up a one-night stand with a friend while on a business trip.
Click here to read the article.
Far too often married people find a partner outside the marriage to help them transition out of an undesirable marriage.
Let’s go back to lack of attention for one moment.
We may agree that when some women long for more attention from their husbands and can no longer wait they feel tempted to seek pleasure from someone who will.
But there’s another purpose I believe some women will find sex outside from someone other than their husband.
To serve as a wake-up call.
This could especially be true if her husband cheated on her previously.
When a man has sex with another woman other than his wife it belittles her feeling as a desirable creature.
What does that tell her about her attractiveness?
So when she turns around and has sex with the caring, empathetic co-worker that’s her way of telling her husband, “Ha, you get what you deserve!”
Just look at your workplace.
Most of you have seen two married people engage in a innocent friendship that turns into a full-blown sexual affair.
She certainly did not enjoy the vulnerability and shame of her husband cheating on her.
Cheating on him pulls the rug from underneath him and reminds who of her the power she wields in the relationship.
A cheating wife can attempt to justify extramarital sex as a beckoning for more attention and affection from an emotionally, distant husband who prioritizes work over the relationship.
You will absolutely love this article of Essence.com author Abiola Abrams answering one of her fan’s emails.
The fan traps herself in complete affair chaos by eliciting revenge sex with one of her employees as a way to pay back her cheating husband.
You’ll flip out over Abiola’s response!
10. Sense of Entitlement
Similar to #6 on this list in that an independent woman may have higher and more demanding expectations, but different in one way.
I believe that many modern day women believe they deserve to be adored and wooed by men.
And who doesn’t like attention from the opposite sex.
When a woman tells me I have nice eyes, I even blush.
But in a society that spews constant promotion of beautifying products and places high value on female physically attractive attributes it would make sense that some women live for the attention.
I do not doubt that most of the time compliments from men result in a married woman offering a quick nod and “thank you”.
But from running this site and from my own experience all it takes is a woman with a sense of entitlement to be at the wrong place at the wrong time to ignite a quick exchange of contact info.
From their friendly banter turns into sexting and then full on sexual affairs.
Some women (just like men) thirst for admiration.
All it takes in the one moment they do not want to miss out on the opportunity to act on it if the hot romantic feelings are too hot to resist.
I felt this about my ex-cheating wife from many incidents of watching her react with other men and eventually acting on it.
And I am not the only one who sees this as a married woman to cheat on her husband.
I love the original content on the Husband Help Haven blog. Not the first time I’ve come across it.
Read Jacob’s post Why Did My Wife Cheat?
Now Your Turn…Why Do You Think Wives Seek Extramarital Sex?