Why Married Women Cheat: 10 Reasons Wives Seek Extramarital Sex
Why the hell do happily married women cheat?
This question puzzles betrayed husbands across the globe.
And you feel like you have nowhere to turn for answers, right?
Men like you whose wife snuck behind your back for a thorough ass-lumping from some other man shattered your heart into thousands of pieces.
Hello, I am one of those men too.
Yes, married men will probably always outpace their counterparts for straying outside their relationship for sex at least once during their marriage (22% according to the 2012 Journal of Marital and Family Therapy study).
However, contrary to common belief, married women cheat too and are catching up (14% of married women cheat once according to the same study).
Many betrayed husbands turn to this resource for answers in order to provide immediate relief to their emotional grief.
Today I will give my best shot to provide my insight and observations to answer why married women cheat and ring the booty-call bell.
Suspect She’s Cheating Again?
And if you suspect repeat cheating, then you can discover who she’s talking to and meeting up with here (try out Truthfinder to see who she’s cheating with).
Affiliate Disclaimer: Some of the links in this post earn me a commission if a purchase is made. I only choose products I believe will help my visitors.
(Is it FINALLY time to get past the PAIN from her affair? [Click here] to access FREE download “10 Critical Infidelity Recovery Tips that Bring Instant Relief“.)
10 Reasons Married Women Cheat and Have Extramarital Sexual Affairs
1. The Sense of Adventure that Passionate, Unselfish Sex Provides
The contemporary women of today value independence more than the women of yesteryear.
They fear to trap themselves in a “this is as good as it gets life”.
Uncontrolled, “anything goes sex” injects just the excitement many stuck in a predictable and dull life.
And Divorcedmoms.com Chris Armstrong suggests that as women age the more they seek untamed sex.
Even for the men that fit all the criteria of many women’s safe and perfect husband checklist.
- Financial Security
- Groomed, Handsome
- Nice House
- Active, Well-Mannered Kids
The wayward wife still needs that last point checked…
⇒The thrill of raw, wild sex!
2. Stress
Young, scrapping kids who track mud on the living room carpet.
The high-level job loaded with responsibility.
When will she get a break?
How do you find an outlet for release from this bottled up pressure?
If a normal, predictable life wasn’t bad enough, add high amounts of stress on top of it and you’ve got someone feeling stuck in a seemingly endless rut.
And what better solution to uncage pent up restricted feelings than an explosive orgasm.
Should the rules be any different for women?
3. Physical, Sexual Limitations
Quantity sometimes trumps quality.
But what about when a man cannot provide either due to health issues.
And what I mean by that is either problems that kill sex drive or health conditions that cause pain while performing oral sex or intercourse.
Tricky situation.
Talk about feeling stuck.
Physical limitations have caused some happy couples to resort to open relationships just to allow the wife to fulfill unmet sexual needs.
In other words in this instance husbands let their married women cheat sexually behind their backs just to avoid her leaving him.
Read this interview of a happily married wife whose marriage satisfies all her priorities except sex.
She subscribes to the site AshleyMadison.com to elicit mutually agreed-upon sex with married men.
Her thinking will shock you.
This stuff really happens.
Download My “Win-Win Affair Survival” eBook
4. Power
Beckoning to family member’s needs exhausts anyone.
At what point does someone pay attention to her needs?
When you get tired of solving everyone else’s problems and taking orders from all sides some women may seek to regain a sense of power.
After all, you want to control when, where and how to satisfy yourself.
The hopeless and helpless feeling of thinking your needs could linger on for an eternity without ever getting met scares the s### out of some women.
Sexual tension increases by every passing day and it must find an escape.
She wants to be on the receiving end for once, not provide for everyone else.
Finding sex outside the marriage is a desperate call for help in some cases according to Dr. Frances Coehn Praver.
5. Validation of Worth
One of the serial cheater traits in my most popular post 9 Serial Cheater Traits is low self-esteem.
Even when a caring husband pours an endless stream of unconditional love onto his wife if she has a low self-esteem she may have trouble accepting this overwhelming attention.
Quite simply you see yourself as so despicable that you do not deserve love. So you do not believe it when someone does give it to you.
Stuck believing her own low self-worth, she could seek sexual attention to satisfy her faulty self-evaluation.
Seeking sex with men outside the marriage serves as proof in her mind that she is desired by many men, not just one.
My ex-cheating wife fits this mold.
6. Strong, Financially Independent
I fully endorse the strong, independent woman.
Not when these married women cheat, to set the record straight, though
Everyone has the right to choose their own path and take care of themselves.
Relationships should be an added bonus to life, not a must.
Find the right partner.
Do not just fill the void with anyone.
That’s how I see it.
And I find the old school ideology of men “taking care” of their women to point that the women depend on them for financial care taking quite disturbing.
That doesn’t work anymore.
It’s one massive volcano ready to explode.
Depending on any one person places a woman in a risky position.
The Opposite Side and Risk for Dependent Wives
Financially dependent women always run the risk of feeling vulnerable if their husband ever decides to cheat or even passes away.
If she could not afford to live on her own then her wayward man could cheat at will and, thus, leaving her helpless with no Plan B or escape route.
Now imagine a financially independent woman who is accustomed to practically pointing at whatever she wants and getting it.
What about when she goes a longtime feeling sexually unfulfilled in her marriage?
And to top things off she does not find it in her nature to work with her husband to fix it, then what?
Then she stands at a fork in the road where one path leads to uncertainty and hard work to fix her dried up sex well and the other leads to guaranteed instant sexual satisfaction.
Do you even think for a second that a woman who’s used to getting what she wants won’t cheat?
Think again.
I dated such a woman many years ago.
Perhaps that is why her husband always pushed her to stop working.
Maybe he wanted to strip her of her power.
7. Lack of Attention and Affection
I can hear you sigh.
“Wow, could you be more obvious?”
Yes, I placed even an obvious reason on my list.
And it appears that the societies all over the world share the same opinion that a lack of attention and affection is a major reason why married women cheat- specifically to find sex outside the marriage.
I ran across this Nigerian sex therapist’s post who states that her “Reason Two” that women seek sexual pleasure outside their marriage is because their too-busy-husbands have shut off the attention valve.
Funmi Akingbade states that “ladies in general have an insatiable appetite for attention, approval, affirmations and devotion” and the quickest way for a woman to leap into another man’s bed is to deny her of this.
This article provides some saucy case studies plucked right from her consultations, especially the one where her client grew so tired and lonely from her husband’s complete sex abandonment that in order to seek sexual pleasure she whacked her vagina so much with sex toys to the point she numbed her clitoris.
I didn’t make it up.
Go ahead and read it here.
8. Disillusionment and Disappointment
Marriage not all it’s cracked up to be?
When the emotional rewards of committing to someone long-term don’t match your expectations then some women may seek emotional fulfillment from an outsider.
This often starts as an emotional affair and then can turn sexual.
In the WebMD article “Why Married Women Cheat” Diane found it hard to believe that you could feel lonely before marrying until it happened to her.
While she never planned to cheat, the affair evolved over time starting with the opportune moment to hit up a one-night stand with a friend while on a business trip.
Click here to read the article.
Far too often married people find a partner outside the marriage to help them transition out of an undesirable marriage.
9. Revenge
Let’s go back to lack of attention for one moment.
We may agree that when some women long for more attention from their husbands and can no longer wait they feel tempted to seek pleasure from someone who will.
But there’s another purpose I believe some women will find sex outside from someone other than their husband.
To serve as a wake-up call.
This could especially be true if her husband cheated on her previously.
When a man has sex with another woman other than his wife it belittles her feeling as a desirable creature.
What does that tell her about her attractiveness?
So when she turns around and has sex with the caring, empathetic co-worker that’s her way of telling her husband, “Ha, you get what you deserve!”
Just look at your workplace.
Most of you have seen two married people engage in a innocent friendship that turns into a full-blown sexual affair.
She certainly did not enjoy the vulnerability and shame of her husband cheating on her.
Cheating on him pulls the rug from underneath him and reminds who of her the power she wields in the relationship.
A cheating wife can attempt to justify extramarital sex as a beckoning for more attention and affection from an emotionally, distant husband who prioritizes work over the relationship.
You will absolutely love this article of Essence.com author Abiola Abrams answering one of her fan’s emails.
The fan traps herself in complete affair chaos by eliciting revenge sex with one of her employees as a way to pay back her cheating husband.
You’ll flip out over Abiola’s response!
10. Sense of Entitlement
Similar to #6 on this list in that an independent woman may have higher and more demanding expectations, but different in one way.
I believe that many modern day women believe they deserve to be adored and wooed by men.
And who doesn’t like attention from the opposite sex.
When a woman tells me I have nice eyes, I even blush.
But in a society that spews constant promotion of beautifying products and places high value on female physically attractive attributes it would make sense that some women live for the attention.
I do not doubt that most of the time compliments from men result in a married woman offering a quick nod and “thank you”.
But from running this site and from my own experience all it takes is a woman with a sense of entitlement to be at the wrong place at the wrong time to ignite a quick exchange of contact info.
From their friendly banter turns into sexting and then full on sexual affairs.
Some women (just like men) thirst for admiration.
All it takes in the one moment they do not want to miss out on the opportunity to act on it if the hot romantic feelings are too hot to resist.
I felt this about my ex-cheating wife from many incidents of watching her react with other men and eventually acting on it.
And I am not the only one who sees this as a married woman to cheat on her husband.
I love the original content on the Husband Help Haven blog. Not the first time I’ve come across it.
Read Jacob’s post Why Did My Wife Cheat?
Suspect a Cheating Partner?
(Download My 2 eBooks)
[Click Here] to access Free eBooks
Now Your Turn…Why Do You Think Wives Seek Extramarital Sex?
I cheated on my husband after five years of marriage, one time. He worked nights, but a couple nights he would be off work before I went to bed and he would choose to stay up drinking beer because he needed to relax. Weekends he would go do something outside of the house. We have two kids and it felt like he missed out on a lot of things with them too. I had to have a hysterectomy two years after our second daughter was born and I gained a lot of weight. I dieted, I exercised, I went to doctors, I did everything I could think of to lose the weight. My husband said he was still attracted to me, though our sex life had changed because of other health issues. He always chose to spend time doing other things with other people.
I regret cheating on him. It’s been almost ten years (he found out about it not long afterward), I wish I could go back and change it. He is still choosing other things/people over me. I try to tell him how I feel and he brushes me off. I have given in to the fact that I will never come first and he will do whatever he wants anyway.
I would like to add that I found emails to and from his ex-girlfriend weeks before our wedding (no, I was not snooping- his dad sent a message that he was supposed to send to me too). They were very explicit and sounded like a plan being formed for them to meet. He has also spent most of our marriage looking at porn, no matter how I say I feel about it. I understood more when I was having some issues, but my sex drive has gone up significantly over the last few years and now I’m the bad guy for wanting to have sex with my husband too much.
It sucks to be ignored and as much as I regret cheating- it was nice to feel wanted.
It sucks to feel ignored, especially when your sex drive goes through the roof. May I ask, when he does engage with you and you feel connected, what are you doing in those moments? Or what kinds of conversations take place? In other words, have you noticed anything he tends to respond favorably to? Touching, showing interest in his passions, asking him for help in something he’s good at, etc?
Sorry! Just saw your reply.
I honestly cannot remember the last time I felt connected to him. He likes when I make foods he likes or make his coffee every morning. He likes when we shower together. It’s something we have almost always done, I always wash him. It’s just our thing. Lately though, it seems like every simple conversation turns into an argument. I cannot tell you the last time he did something with me that I wanted to to do. For example, he gave me a gift card for Pinots Palette for Christmas one year (probably been five or six years ago now). I planned a night for us to go, I talked to him about it before, made sure he k ew when it was and the fact that it was also the night of his 20 year reunion. He said it was okay, go ahead, he did not want to go to the reunion anyway. Less than a week before, he changed his mind, made me cancel the paint night and get tickets to his reunion. He proceeded to spend the entire night ignoring me, drinking and mostly talking to a girl he had a huge crush on in high school (he has talked about her in many occasions). I asked him to go see a movie with me almost two years ago and he kept saying he would…we never went (this movie was in theaters for over two months). I don’t remember the last time he bought me a Christmas gift. Mother’s Day I get told, “You’re not my mom.” (Yes, he is mostly joking) I do the cooking and cleaning (no different than any other day). I haven’t asked him to go do anything I want to do since I asked him to go to that movie because I know it probably won’t happen. Last summer we went kayaking. I HATE the water, I have had too many near drowning experiences and it terrifies me, but I went because he wanted to. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t something I would choose to do. We go for drives because he enjoys driving places for no particular reason. I do not enjoy being in a car for very long. I take care of everything and when I ask for help, I get brushed off or he gets irritated because he “works and shouldn’t have to come home and clean.” I have health issues and it seems like every year or so something new happens. I am constantly exhausted, but I can’t even get help with figuring out dinner. His mom, for Christmas two years ago, gave her kids a family trip to DisneyLand…four grown kids, three married with their own kids. She plays favorites with her grandkids and our kids are old enough to notice (17 and 13). She insults me to my face and yet he never stands up for me. Then, I’m the bad guy for not wanting to spend time with her. I ask for help grocery shopping or running stupid errands because 1) I just want to spend any time with him I can- we live 45 minutes away from town 2) I am short and can’t reach a lot of things 3) I’m in a lot of pain and have difficulty with lifting things. He acts like it is such a burden to run errands with me. He gets irritated that he has to go to town. I have stopped asking and now he’s irritated that I don’t ask for help. I am not sure what I’m doing wrong. It seems like the only time we don’t fight is when we’re having sex. He says he loves me- it doesn’t feel like it. I try to tell him how I feel, he gets mad. I try to talk to him about mundane things, somehow it turns into a fight. Also, just saw on his phone recently that he has been looking at porn. No, I wasn’t snooping; my phone was not near me and I wanted to show him something and asked to use his phone. When it came up in the search bar, I showed him and his response was a nonchalant shrug and a, “Yeah?” I don’t know how many times he has made me cry lately and then, after making everything my fault, acts like nothing happened. I have suggested counseling and he just ignored it.
Sorry…that was a longer response than I intended.
Sounds like you have a lot of feelings tied into this relationship. It certainly looks like you bend over backward for him, regretfully, it does not look like it’s getting the response that you want. At the same time, something that DOES look promising is that he has stuck around and that he still has sex and showers with you. Yet, it looks like you are the pleaser in the relationship- you give, he takes, and does not give much back. I can tell you as a man, when a woman assumes this role and gives so much it can get annoying at times, if you don’t mind me being direct. I know this sounds counterintuitive and even unfair, but it’s just human psychology. He talked to the woman from high school, she seems out of reach (not that he’s going to do anything about it though), something he cannot and will not have. One of the most effective ways to effectively coexist with men is to make us chase and strike fear in us that we might lose you. No matter how tough or even indifferent a man can act around a woman, EVERY man is scared to death of ending up alone and irrelevant in the world. Getting a man to chase means to make him work to earn your affection, attention and to value the fact that you CHOOSE to spend time with him. But you have to do it in the right way or it looks like you don’t mean it and he doesn’t believe it and instead are just acting in order to get a response. Then we just get more annoyed and lose respect for you. I write about this A LOT in my relationship content (non-infidelity content) in this blog and my Understanding Men Secrets Newsletter.
Thanks for sharing such a wonderful content. best wishes 🙂
Hi Orlando.
Thank you for your comments on my last reply to you. You have asked on my thoughts about if or when these 2 friends of mine fall in love what will they do to be together. I have not spoke to you about many things I say to those who come to me or to the ones I speak to who I think should have or who want to start an extra martial affair to improve their lives.
One of the things I point out is the fact that love and other feelings will come into this new part or stage of their lives if they start enjoying themselves with someone else other then their spouse. I try and give them the good and the bad sides to this and from my own experiences, and how to avoid some or most of the pit falls. Some are unavoidable unfortunately, but how they handle them defines how their future plays out not only with their spouse but more importantly their other partner in their lives.
Society conditions women from a very young age as a child that she will grow up she will find her Prince Charming, fall in love, get married, start a family and live happily ever after. This continually taught even through the teenage years. But life is not even remotely like this. Life is hard. Marriage is hard. Having and raising a family is hard but very rewarding. Marriage does get boring and often 1 partner does not wish to help solve the problems of boredom but both want to remain married to each other so I believe the other has the right to solve this problem for themselves and has the right to be happy.
As part of this false fairy tale of life a women is to have children and regardless of how many she has she is to love them all equally and without favor to just one, but she is to love one and only one man in her life. How confusing is this belief to all women. Why can’t she love more then just one man? Why can’t she enjoy herself and her body with more then one man? It is her body not her husbands is it not ?
I have helped my sister and sister in law plus my 3 friends to understand their feelings towards their new partners in their lives while balancing their feelings with their husbands and families as they are still involved with their lives. That never changes. All 3 of my friends plus my sister & sister in law are much happier with their lives and marriages now compared to before as the voids that where in their lives before are now happily filled. Their relationships each and everyone of them with their husbands is now better as they no long argue as much or pick at their husbands as much which has lead to less conflict in their homes and around their children. As far as I am aware not one of these husbands know about their wives affairs, or if they do they do not let on they now to any one as they just believe things have improved with their wives.
I talk to them all regularly, especially about their lives and affairs. They all loved the excitement of finding someone else and new, the excitement about getting to know all about them. Including what their lives are like with their wives and families. The planning of going out and meeting someone secretly . The excitement of the building sexual tension between them before they take that step of sleeping with someone new. They love the planning involved in to be able to enjoy themselves and to sleep with someone else.
Every woman will tell you Orlando that each and every man feels different inside of you some feel way more better then other men when they are make love to you as each man does things differently as well as better. Some do not do things correctly or well so you leave them alone and find someone else.
Each of my 3 friends and 2 family members are now extremely happy with their sex lives. They are still having regular martial sex with their husbands, but they all say their extra martial sex is actually better and far more enjoyable then the sex they are having with their husbands. As you are aware only one of them has gone off their contraceptive pill and wants a new baby with her lover.
All the ladies say that they all enjoy the sex better with their lovers as it just feels So Right and So Correct to be doing. They love how their lover feels while making love to them, how they make their lady feel away from their husband and family. Plus they All Love That Warm Feeling They Receive When Their Man Cums inside Of Them. I use too and these ladies are currently enjoying that feeling. One of the most enjoyable feeling you get when you are making love to your lover other an having an orgasm yourself while making love, is the feeling you get after he has finished and it is the feeling of him going soft inside of you knowing that he has chooses you over his wife.You know that you have his sperm inside of you and his wife has missed out this time and many other times also.
I have only ever offered my advise and knowledge about starting and having affairs after I have found out that at least 1 party of each marriage has asked the other to go and seek help for their relationship but the other refuses to do so. I the case of my sister in law and the friend who is hopefully pregnant after this week they both asked their husbands to go to counselling and get help but they refused to attend both said that they could go themselves but they wouldn’t. With my sister and the 2 other friends they where the ones who refused to get help after their husbands suggested that they get help. These 3 where the easiest to talk to and get them involved in an affair to make them happier with their lives by help filling in the voids their husband could not or would fill in their lives and marriages The other 2 took 5 & 6 months each and where much harder to talk into doing this. None of these beautiful, wonderful, loving and kind ladies would swap the lives now and go back to their old lives. They love the excitement and the wonderful feelings they have with their extra martial partners which has spilled over into their now better marriages. I know 2 of these ladies have also talked a couple of their own friends to now start and have affairs behind their husbands without their husbands knowledge. Another one they spoke to started an affair was caught out by poor planning and has left husband and children to be with her lover. We all know that women can talk to one another about these sort of matters far better then men
All 5 openly and honestly say that they love their husbands and do not want to leave them now or in the future. They are the father of their Children. They are the ones who provide for them and their families individually with not only a home but financially. They all have built a home with their husbands for their families which they do not want to leave now or in the future.
These 5 other wonderful ladies and myself now all believe that all women, especially wives should be taught, encouraged and fully supported by all including family, friends and especially their husbands to seek out and have as many Sexual Partners as she wishes or desires to have for her own happiness and fulfillment in life.
We truly believe that a Truly Caring Husband Should Be A Sharing Husband. Plus this next statement is so true in life . Happy Wife, Happy Life. This has been proven beyond doubt by these women and their current marriages which are far better now after they all have start and are involved in extra martial affairs
SO ORLANDO
Would you or do you agree with what I have said in this reply to you in any way?
Until we correspond again keep well and I look forward to your reply again
Regards Janelle
I understand many of your points. It can be very challenging to feel excitement towards one person for a very long time. You inevitably will be attracted to other people along the way. Not to mention some partners take their spouses for granted. They begin to assume that just because the two are married that they can stop practicing good manners, they become disrespectful and resentful. Afterwards neither chooses to seek counseling or any kind of help. So the problems persist… or get worse. But either way this is a team. Teams win together and they lose together. When you got married you decided to create a team and then perhaps add to that team by raising children. Choosing to “go play for another team” could end up breaking up the team you signed up for. There’s a reason why someone sneaks behind their partners back to cheat. They don’t want to risk losing the benefits of what their “family team” brings them. Maybe it’s financial security, companionship of their spouse’s family members, a sense of wholeness by having kids, etc. It could be a lot of things. And someone who has an affair does not want to risk losing these benefits. Therefore, they do not want to get caught. So they benefit from both relationships. They get the ones I previously mentioned (plus others) in the marriage and then in the affair they receive: sexual compatibility, sense of manhood/womanhood, something new and exciting, the attention to details that their lover gives them that their spouse does not, etc. This is where the phrase “having your cake and eating too” comes to mind. Once the spouse discovers the affair (which is highly likely if it lasts a while) then it most likely will dissolve “the marriage team”- no more safety net. Then you most likely will never have long-term, out-in-the-open relationship with your lover either. Basically, you broke the rules of “the team” and decided to change the rule book without consulting your teammate (your spouse) and have created a new set of problems that probably will not have solutions. Solving one problem by creating another is not good strategy. The problems you mention with marriage are part of the risk of getting married. Get help or get out. But do not crush a bunch of other people’s lives because your own personal needs are not met. Some affairs take place partly because the cheating spouse wants to get revenge for their spouse’s neglect or mistreatment. That’s excessive. Again, what happened to working as a team? Figuring out a solution. FIRST you must do everything possible to fix whatever problem you have in the marriage. INCLUDING telling them that if this doesn’t get fixed then you can’t stay married. Get divorced, but don’t try to make things right for yourself by cheating AND keeping your marriage. Honestly this ruins people’s lives and then you go on with this black cloud hanging over your head. You don’t want to admit to potential future mates that you cheated and it feels awkward hiding it. And here’s a test… Imagine a cheating spouse admit the affair to their husband/wife and then advise them to have an affair too in order to even the playing field. Could you imagine the husband in this case taking her up on the offer? He always wanted to screw a blond so he finds one on a hookup site. How awkward would that family end up feeling later? How long would this marriage last before other issues start popping up? (I feel like I should write a post about this)
Hi Orlando
Thanks for you for your thoughts. It is not about courage I have learnt but accepting that I and others have made the right decision at the time for themselves.
I have talked to a number of my girlfriends and family members that still talk to me about what and why I did what I did and why it was right to do. I have now helped 3 girlfriends plus my sister and a sister in-law to successfully plan and currently to all be in extra martial affairs unknown to their husbands from what I have learnt. They are now enjoying themselves and their bodies with others other then their husbands. Their lives are more exciting and meaningful to them.
One has even made the decision to get pregnant by her lover this week while her husband is away. She has 3 sons and has always badly wanted a daughter but her husband does not want anymore kids and her partner has 4 daughters with his wife plus another daughter to a relationship before he got married. He has been talking to her how he would love to get her pregnant. So over the weekend over coffee on Saturday morning we worked out that her fertile period this month starts Tuesday. She was hesitant at first but I talked her about how she has always wanted this and this was her opportunity to get what she has always wanted. So she came around last night took her Pill and I took the rest out her handbag and left the rest here so she could not take anymore this week and I will give them back to her on Friday night with right amount removed before hand and before her husband gets home on Saturday after she picks him up from the airport. I am taking her 3 sons and my youngest out on Thursday so she can spent the day with her man,plus she is meeting up with him each day this week. She had sex with her husband on Sunday morning and will again as soon as she can after he gets home to him that she missed him plus also so he thinks he fathered hopefully her new pregnancy.
I have learnt that the ex love of my life is that ex and has no balls running back to his wife. So I have been quietly looking out there and having fun flirting with over men when my husband is not around or others that might tell him.
I have been pushing my husband and trying to help him build his business lately so he can earn more money for us in the future.
I believe that I have learnt from previous mistakes with which I have successfully helped others with and these will also help me in the future to be even happier then I am now. If an opportunity arises and I know I can get away with it I will jump at it and see where it leads to and where it will take me
I talk to my 3 friends, Sister & Sister in-law about how exciting & enjoyable their lives have Become and I wish for the same. Thanks again
Does your friend not fear what her husband might do if he finds out that he is not the father (assuming she does get pregnant)? Do you think by tricking the husband into thinking that he is the father that it is playing with fire? Even a nice guy could get violent in rage and revenge. May I ask do you think that it is even a possibility that it could happen?
Hi again Orlando
My friend is doing what is right for her as she fears 2 things in life more then her husband finding out he is not the father of her next child. Firstly never having the daughter she so badly wants to have in her life as like all of us she is getting older and her clock is ticking . Secondly, missing the opportunity to have someone willing to make it possible for her to have a chance at having a daughter in her life after having 3 sons with her husband. She was hoping for a daughter when she fell pregnant with her second child and she was so disappointed when he arrived almost 2 years after her first son. So we talked about her trying again with her husband at a later stage. I keep telling her I did not like her chances as her husband is the middle child from a large family of 7 boys and she only has a couple of nieces on that side of her family all the rest are boys. So they decided to give it another shot and again like her other 2 pregnancies the week she went off the Pill she fell pregnant again straight away. She was devastated when son number 3 arrived at first. Do not get me wrong she loves her 3 sons so much and would not be without them but she wants a daughter. The fact that she has not been able to have a daughter has put some strain of her marriage for a number of years.
This is were I came into help setting her up with her other partner which is a friend of our family who knew of my friend who had only meet really briefly once at a Christmas party my Husband & I put on a number of years ago but he did remember her was and she is still very attractive in her early forties. She did let herself go there for a while, but that has changed again now.
One evening 14 moths ago Adam which is his name was at our place paying a visit just after I had just finished a phone call from my friend who was having a rough time at home with husband arguing a lot over little things. I explained to him briefly about her relationship with husband as I always thought that these 2 would have fun together in a relationship together as she did flirt a little with him that night. Knowing that Adam has 5 daughters himself I told him she wants a daughter herself. To my surprise he said seriously I would gladly give her a daughter or even 2 if she wanted it. Are you serious? I said what about your wife? What would she say and react? Adam said if she was to find out she just has to deal with it and said I will not be telling her . Would you tell her ? He asked me. I said no way I don’t get along that well with your wife as looks down on me I feel. He reply was Good then, I would love to hook up with her can you help?
I said yes but Adam you are going to have to treat her very well. It is going to take time as she is not the type to have an affair on her husband without some help from both you and I. I told him about her likes and dislikes etc, what makes her laugh. It took me four months of arranging for the 2 of them to bump into one another a lot especially at my place or other functions. I had to work hard with her into start flirting with him. She didn’t want to a first saying that she is married etc etc. So when they started to hit it off I said to her one day after she had another argument with her husband she should go out with Adam as he had been asking her out for Coffee or drinks but she just keep saying thanks but no thanks until this day when I could see the time was right to start sowing the seeds for her enjoyment. They had already exchanged phone numbers a week earlier. I said go out and have fun but don’t go to far the first time. Unknown to her I told Adam to treat her like a queen the first few dates and not get carried away and build trust with her first, which he did.It was a couple of days later they meet for Coffee and she came around all guilt ridden about seeing Adam. I said to her did anything happen? She said no. Did you hurt anyone ? No she said. Did you have a good time? Yes we did. I feel he knows so much about me and we have so much in common and he made me laugh. I said seeing how no one is getting hurt or was hurt. Would you like to meet up again for Coffee with Adam ? She stopped and thought for a minute and said yes just once more with a sly look on her face. I said you do that then. She said what if my husband finds outs? I said I will not be telling him. Anyway it is just Coffee or Drinks isn’t it. So then over the next 2 weeks they meet up again twice before my friend came around when all our kids where either at school or my eldest at work and we sat down over a coffee and she said to me,Right I know you have had affairs before. Can you help me and tell me how to have a successful affair myself as I want to have Adam so bad and I think he wants me too.
I thought, Finally Thank Goodness. It has only taken 5 months. With that she started looking like her old-self . I got her get another pre-paid phone to keep in touch with Adam and only Adam and not to use her normal phone ever to contact him so it does not come up on her family phone bill each month. Plus a heap of other tips. She Is Really taking care of herself lost some weight and keeps herself looking really nice now for her new man. Her Dumb Ass Husband thinks and tells everyone that she has done it for him. He is happy that she looks so good and they are arguing less now
Until she showed me on her other phone I did not believe how well endowed he is. When he is erect he is huge both in length and width. I am a little bit jealous to be honest
She so happy in so many other ways now but still so badly wants a daughter with him. She has been finding it hard to meet up with as much as she would like.
I started taking my girlfriend to our local hospital for the last 2 months and we have been doing voluntary work in the Maturity Ward with the premature babies during the day feeding and just hugging the babies with the nurses when their parents can not be there. Then we go and have a coffee and talk on the way home and I keep asking how does it feel etc?
You ask do I think it is possible for this to happen? As I have stated I took her Pill out of her handbag and off her already and today I have been around to her place after she took her husband to the airport and I have collected her other box of Contraceptive Pills plus her Prescription repeat and told her she is not getting them back until Friday and I will take each days out of the card to make it look like she is still taking it as her husband does check them to make sure. I keep telling him that the Pill is not 100% effective. So if she want to take the Pill she is going to have to go back to her doctor first because I am not giving them back.
She told me today and showed me the Test results that showed me that Adam and her went to a Fertility Clinic last Thursday to have Adams Sperm checked. He was asked by the Specialist if he would consider donating his Sperm as he has a Very High Sperm Count and an equal impressive healthy Sperm. To which replied their is only one person he wants to donate his Sperm to. My Girlfriend says that when he orgasms he has 2 to 3 times the amount of Cum of her husband and she is meeting for a short time each day except for Thursday we I am having all the kids with all day.
If she does not fall pregnant this month her Husband has to go away for work again in 4 weeks for another week which will fall during her fertile week of her period as she is very regular and we will organize the same thing then.
You a couple more questions. Are we playing with Fire ? Yes that is what makes parts of affairs fun and exciting. Remember it is body not her Husbands. As I have told her and others it is her body, her fun and enjoyment. It is up to her to with whom she shares it with and who she enjoys herself with not her Husband choice
You also ask if I or we are worried about him finding out about everything and turning violent ? No as Assaulting someone or anyone else is against the Law with Harsh penalties when someone assaults , hurts or kills someone. The law is there to protect others against physical harm and hurt.
There is no written law saying that you are not allowed to sleep with someone else other then your spouse or partner. Either a one off or regularly. There is no written law saying that you are not allowed to let yourself get pregnant by someone else of your choice that is not husband or regular partner
I get a lot of personal enjoyment and satisfaction when I see people I know turn their lives around in unhappy marriages by having affairs either behind or with full acknowledgement of their husband or partner. Especially when I help them have the affairs.
I bet you have your own thoughts on what I have said here and that is your right
Regards Janelle
Janelle I very much appreciate your honesty and openness. This certainly gives another angle to extramarital affairs. I’ve never had anyone write in with this particular opinion. So thank you. I don’t agree with it, but I am very eager to keep hearing your side. It is playing with fire and fires are unpredictable. It get too hot to handle and everyone could get burned. Yes, while laws are meant to protect they don’t stop violence from happening. I don’t want anyone to get physically hurt. I completely get what you’re saying about the marriage getting stale and boring, but the marriage is his too. And now a decision is being made for him that will affect his life too without him getting a say in it. Most people would ask, “Why not just get help if the marriage is so bad right now or at least get divorced instead of proactively seek an affair?” So I would like to propose that question to you. And also what happens when Adam and your friend fall in love, but cannot be together? Don’t you think that creates a whole set of other problems? Again thank you very much for you honesty. Every one has the right to express themselves and seek someone who will listen. And I am here listening.
I believe people over react to this and affairs in general . I have had them before and have told my husband that if treats me like he did before and not give me enough attention and effection plus provide both financial and materialistic. I will do it again to him. Janelle
I appreciate your honesty and thank you for leaving a reply Janelle. What happened that he did not give you the attention you deserved? What did he do?
As I have stated above I feel he could have treated me better. It was great when we first got married. When we meet he was doing his degree to get his Building Licence after he finished his apprenticeship. He was half way through the 4 year course than done his 12 month Advanced Degree in Building Supervision . We held off getting engaged until he had finished all his studies. He was earning good money, we got married 14 months later we funded our own big wedding. I wanted to start a family straight away which we did . Eighteen months after after getting married and having our first son we brought our first house. Things where great money was a bit tight and then few months later I decided that I would get pregnant again. My husbands Boss had been getting my husband to do some Supervising and Project Management away work before we got married but soon after I got pregnant he was being sent away a lot which I did not like. When our second son came it was even harder on me and I let him know it each weekend he was home and after 3 months and him seeing his Boss about more local work he left the Job he has always said he really enjoyed and loved working for the Boss who helped him through his apprenticeship and studies to start another job in another town on less money but was home each night with me and our boys. Money was even tighter over the next 3 years and during this time I had always wanted a daughter so I decided that I wouldn’t tell my husband like before and go off the Pill and try for a daughter but we got another son. My husband was doing extra hours to try and earn more money. He was offered a better paying job in State Capital which meant moving from our country town which have not liked from the start but it is better here for our boys.
Due to the cost of living here I had to go back to work . I only want to work part time . My husband worked for a couple of different companies up here and worked 1 job for a few years earning good money until a company restructure and he was made redone-dent in 2010. He then decided to use those years of study and open up his own Construction business. Work and money was not good for a few years long hours little time for me he still made it to all the boys sporting & school events.But would be in his office for 1 1/2 to 2 hours each night instead of spending it with me so in 2011 I thought I had someone who was one of the managers at my work and it was fun for 6 months until his future wife found out then it was on and off again for another 3 months until she left taking his 2 kids and went and followed her back to be with the kids. I then put up with things until 2013 when I was working part time in another store for extra hour and pay while my husband was away working for 6 months in our old town I meet another guy but it didn’t last longer as he was a pig of a man in bed.
At times then until 2015 things where either up or down with us and he was earning good money at times. Then I got a new service manger at work and her and I hit it off very well , become good friends. She had been married a couple of times before and knew everything about me , more then my husband at the time. She set my up with a customer she knew in 2015 which was okay for a few months until towards the end of 2015 when the love of my life came around to sweep me off my feet. He was a good close family friend who was helping my husband coach our youngest son sporting team. This man had coached all our sons over time and boys looked up to him. My husband had been coaching our youngest son team for 3 years before he started working away in 2013. My husband could see that our friend was not completely happy after he had finished coaching some 12 months before hand so he asked his wife if he would be happy to help him out coaching . His wife was so pleased that he had taken up my husbands offer as it filled the void in his life and the team and parents thought he was great also. We had been close for almost 9 years before he made his move. He has a great large house & pool, good modern cars and Motor Bikes and a great paying job. I had always saw something in him and as soon as he he came a calling I quickly ended the other relationship with the customer my manager had set me up with. During these couple of years I wanted more.So I moved on to our friend straight away
I found that my life with my husband was routine and boring. i wanted to get away for weekends but couldn’t as all our boys played a lot of sport which was expensive. It even got to the stage where sex was boring. My husband is very well endowed and would nearly always make me orgasm, but as soon as I had climaxed I was wanting him to finish to get it over and done with regardless of where he was and would tell him to hurry up or sometimes I would just finish it.
My love affair lasted almost 6 months. My husband thought there was something going on not long into my love affair and asked me a number of time point blankly and each time I would tell him what I wanted him to know. He even asked his best friend but I had pre warned him. Unknown to us the team parents where talking behind all our backs and thought something was happening. So when it did all come out unfortunately it was not good as our eldest son was falsely charged with matters with an underage girl the couple of days earlier. It took 5 months a number of court hearings a lot of money for his name to be cleared of these charges.
My husband did not kick me out as he was worried about it would look for our son in court if all my previous affairs came out and made public, it was bad enough about my last one.
My 2 youngest sons put posts up on social media about affairs . My husband said it was because of the fact they where hunting and felt betrayed by me and the man who was not only their coach but friend. It was so funny a number of our friends and family saw these post before my Husband got the boys to take them down and they all assumed that it was my husband who was having the affair.
It did ruin the son team as most of the parents said that if our friend came back to coaching they would pull their sons out of the team for which they had been involved in for 5 years until then. My husband continued on coaching the team for another 7 months and won the premiership but only a couple of the parents would speak to me when I came along to the games to watch and at the end of the season because I was coming to the games still a group of parents took over the coaching the next season and they did not do any good that season so the team split up
It is amazing how many friend and family do not speak to me any more and how many do not speak to my husband because he stuck be me to make our marriage work. He gives me a lot more time now which is great . Life is still not great and quite boring at times, but I still have a house and family . Well some family
Janelle
Such a devillish mind ,trying her best by her deviated,sick,selfish,sick,psyciatric destructive lust based on mere 3 or very limited number of cheating degraded wives as a best modern example and lessons to married wives
1)such wives wil beyray the first husband
With a lover while soon will fed up, by wishing to seek another lover,then another lover ….=longterm destruction
2) her children will be spermed by first husband,second ,or third without knowing while yet must belong to the first as janelle teaches us=longterm children effect destruction
3)her lust,her freshness,her passion by her age soon will be vannished=leaving longterm destruction….
4)what will all bennefit from those wives betrays compare with such stresful ,desieses destructive minutes of cheating wives lust and pasion????
interfering the family, separating the elektron neutron,the embrion of life,The atom of life will have the exact effects of
What atomic bomb does to our nature ,its aftermath, side effects is doing to our lives,families,couples ,,generations,elders etc etc
Lastly
May Almighty Lord eleminate such cancers, tumours ,illness from our pure blessed families.
MayAlmighty Lord guide those enemy family minds
Well I guess janelle has shown us men by example (by her flippant posts) just how manipulative, deceitful, and devious some women can be. Just wow….
And she left one more that I have not approved yet. It makes the other comments look PG-rated. I respect everyone’s opinion. So I am grateful she commented. But again, play with fire and you will get burned. Marriage is for TWO people who believe that together they can make a better life. I believe that you can still make a marriage strong after an affair, but you must believe that the benefits of long-term love conquers any “short-term” side gig. If you would like some help and hope getting past the pain of your affair check out my newest eBook “Win-Win Affair Survival: How to Save Your Marriage or Rebuild Your Life Alone”
Janelle, thank you for responding to my reply. It certainly looks like you have a lot on your mind. It takes courage to admit you had an affair. I admit in my posts on my blog that I also had an affair during my first marriage and was seeing a married woman. My personal view towards having an affair differs from yours though (I wish I had not done it), and yet I still value your opinion very much. Life can certainly suck and get stale. Sometimes you wonder, “Is this as good as it is going to get?” And that is one helpless and hopeless feeling. May I ask you this… if you had your wish, and that wish would come true…which would you rather have: 1) find and unite with the love of your life, 2) be financially independent, or 3) feel happy (no matter what the situation) and not feel a need to acquire much of anything else?