May I ask all the divorced women dating over 40 a couple questions?
Do you all wonder when you will finally find Mr. Right? Do you fear staying single for a long time or worse- forever?
As if it’s not hard enough to deal with finding love in your 40s, then throw in picking up the pieces in your life after an affair.
Welcome to another midlife divorce recovery. (Sorry, I honestly do not intend to pour salt on your wound)
Online relationship coaching for women floods the internet with advice how to find and capture the right man for you.
I researched the advice from these coaches who tend to focus more on women specifically those who have left their 30s, already married once, perhaps even have kids and many of whom find themselves engulfed in their careers with little time to date.
So time to waste on the creeps, perves and emotional unstable men.
But the reoccurring problem all online relationship coaches claim divorced women dating in their 40s (and yes, those recovering from infidelity too) face keeping them man-less is…THEMSELVES!
“What? Don’t tell me that! There just are no quality available men out there.”
I didn’t say you’d like the answer and neither did any of the dating coaches.
These are just 10 warnings top online relationship coaches like Ronnie Ann Ryan, Evan Marc Katz and Damona Hoffman suggest could keep you spending many nights alone watching TV trapped in your room for a very long time.
Top Ten Reasons Divorced Women Dating Over 40 Remain Single
1. Dating too soon after divorce. What faster way to forget the pain of disappointment of ending a long-term relationship which began full of hope only to vanish into thin air one day than to start over.
Problem: You may still deal with inner demons of trust issues or battered self-esteem.
2. Judgmental on first dates. Of course you want to slash checkmarks on your laundry list of “perfect man” qualities.
Problem: What a great turn off to scare us men off too. Is this a first date or first interview?
3. Going out in groups of female friends. Yes, you will get men’s attention and have a few great laughs. And yes you ward off the creeps, but…
Problem: Most men will not approach a group of women. You are also scaring off the guys you would be interested in.
4. Believing no single men your age live in your town. Well, yes, mathematically less single men are available after their 40s.
Problem: You’ve failed to recognize that roughly 50% according to Ronnie Ann Ryan adults are also not married. Not single or you don’t see them?
5. Waiting for Mr. 10. Who actually wants to settle for second best, right? Maybe you were married before and want to marry again ASAP. Time’s running out you think.
Problem: Yes, a ten might exist, but what are the chances of finding him? Is he available? Would he like you back? How long you willing to wait to connect with someone?
6. Giving up too early on a man. First date. What no fireworks? No excitement, no sparks flying?
Problem: Did you have fun after the first date? Then go on a second date. Chemistry can take time with some men. Some people do not feel comfortable in the beginning completely opening up.
7. Only looking for men same age (within a few years). Whether to start a family with someone younger so the children have a young enough father to raise them and play with them or simply for preference sake, some women narrow their scope of options. “We want what we want. We desire what we deserve.”
Problem: In itself there is no problem. You do deserve what you want. But are you forgetting something very important? The dating pool IS shallower after 40. It doesn’t mean there aren’t enough options (see #4), but in the end without chemistry the rest won’t matter. He’s gotta like you back and you have to feel good about him. How much can you really control the age on that factor?
8. Successful, strong women only looking for younger men. Calling all cougars. Yes, some younger men do find successful, confident women in the 40s or older sexy. If you’re hot, you’re hot, doesn’t matter the age.
Problem: Let’s face it. Most don’t. Many available younger men screen for women who are ready to settle down and potentially start a family (don’t shoot the messenger). Good news is sexy, is sexy. In the end solid flirting skills attract men. Just don’t be surprised if they only stick around for a flicker.
9. Don’t understand how to flirt. Don’t want to. Is it fun to feel rejection? No. Is it scary to be alone and feel helpless because you don’t know the rules of engagement? Yes. Of course you could wait until the right guy flirts with you.
Problem. You might wait a very long time. Want a quality boyfriend? What will attract a man to want to talk to you and take you out? This is where the right online relationship coach advice helps.
10. Staying at home. Not taking action. Wait! Aren’t men supposed to make the first move? Why do I have to put myself out there?
Problem: If many desirable, quality men seek you with little effort, I’d bet you wouldn’t be reading this post. Let’s face it the dating pool is much shallower for divorced women dating over 40 than for single, carefree ladies in their 20s. Time to take action. The action is not as scary as you’d think.
Well, you now have ideas of what not to do.
What about recommendations on what will help divorced women dating over 40 find love these days?
[Read my review of “Believe in Love” and learn how to build your confidence to get back into the dating life so you can find your soul mate.]