“Should I Leave My Marriage after an Affair?”
You have a gut-wrenching decision to make.
To stay or end a marriage after an affair is different for you and every one else.
The circumstances vary between every body and thus the aftermath of your decision will affect all the other areas of your life.
I can see the sensitivity of this topic more clearly now after a few years of blogging on InfidelityFirstAidKit.com and receiving numerous emails from hurt spouses all over the world.
What seems so easy for one to decide to leave is practically insurmountable for another.
Every one has advice, but no one knows your life or heart like you do.
The internet is flooded with blogs implying that ALL marriages can be saved.
But they cannot, or they would.
(Just please make sure you are physically safe).
You’re going to end up okay no matter what you decide.
Either feel the relief of leaving a toxic marriage or save it and love each other again.
But whatever decision you make you must live with the outcome
Make no mistake this choice could impact the rest of your life or at least for a long time, so make the right one.
So don’t rush back in your spouse’s arms to avoid the facing the fear of the unknown.
Make the healthiest decision you can for you and your family and not fear-based decisions to stay married.
The good news is that no matter whether you stay or leave the relationship you will reap benefits.
No matter what you will gain something of value.
And this is the win-win outcome you should seek.
For me I was given two chances to decide to stay or leave the relationship after I caught my wife cheating. You can read my experience with infidelity here.
So two times I got to ask myself, “Should I leave my marriage?”, and two times I stayed.
But just like in the game of baseball here in the US, the third time I struck out- she left.
Honestly, it saved my life and gave me the opportunity to help you today.
Things were only going to get worse for me had I stayed with my serial cheating wife.
I have not entered a relationship since and it hurts sometimes, but my new life helped me discover my passion for blogging and internet marketing. You can also read about how I use a blog to tell my inspirational life story here. And you could do the same.
But one alternative will bring you more good than the other.
Choose wisely. Think everything through.
I’m here to help and I have provided you with some questions that I asked myself after catching her the first two times.
Before you listen to your heart and make a hasty decision that you wish you could do over, ponder the following…
These are some of the questions I had to ask myself and many of the thousands of viewers to this site have had to do the same.
I do my best from my experience to help you weigh the factors of deciding to stay or leave your relationship after an affair, but I highly recommend you read other resources.
Don’t just read my posts, emails and eBooks. Please take in as much good advice from multiple sources.
Here are a few that I have come across. I am looking for more. If you have found some helpful books or resources to sort out all the variables of this messy time please click here to fill out my contact form and send me a message.
[My following recommendations contain affiliate links in my review posts, which means I will earn a commission if you decide to purchase any. Those commissions help me run my blog, So if you do choose to purchase them than yes, please click my links to buy them. BUT only do so if you like the book, of course.]
I strongly believe in these books’ ability to help you make an informed decision that will affect the rest of your life.
The ones below come from a clinical standpoint written by marriage counselors who have logged thousands of hours with couples and individuals who faced infidelity,
Dr H reveals his unique rating system of how likely your marriage can be saved on a scale of 1 – 10 and based on seven different kinds of affairs (reasons for cheating) that he describes. Then goes into detail on the best way you can save your marriage after you identify which kind of affair your spouse committed.
==>Read my PROs and CONS review of Break Free from the Affair and get a sneak peek.
Dr. Gunzburg offers a unique step-by-step approach to save the marriage for the couples who decide that they want to stay married. BUT the more unique feature of this eBook is that one of the chapters is designed specifically for the cheating spouse. This chapter instructs him/her how to win by trust and get over the pain of hurting their husband or wife.
==>Check out my review of How to Survive an Affair here.
To date this is the most complete affair survival book that I have found. I don’t think it offers the actionable advice that the two books above offer, and it’s NOT an eBook so it will take longer to receive via mail or taking a trip to the store and hoping it’s on the shelf. What I love about this book is that it gives you that feeling that you’re going to be okay no matter what by assisting those, like me, who did not stay married.
This book does a phenomenal job of not taking sides, allowing you to choose which path is best for those who ask, “Should I Leave My Marriage?” The authors break down many of the reasons people cheat and I can tell you from experience they are spot on.
If you want a resource to help you decide to stay of go then this one or Break Free from the Affair are two of the best I’ve seen.
Sorry, I don’t have a review of this book yet.
I can’t stress enough the importance of looking at all the angles both now and in the present while you ponder the question, “Should I leave my marriage?”
Don’t base your decision on feelings or fear like I did.
That’s why I recommend you learn as much as you can so you can allow your both your brain and heart to decide, not just your heart.
So let’s next take a look at the risks of staying or leaving your marriage after an affair.
Many of these I found out after the fact or from my dark experience long ago of dating a married woman.
Take advantage of my misfortune.
Please consider everything and do not rush your decision because you could make things worse.
I was lucky that she didn’t give me a sexually transmitted disease, take my money, convinced her to file for and pay for divorce instead of hiding and then dealing with the financial risk if she did something unlawful.
But I could have saved more time, prevented stress and protected my pride had I faced my fears of losing a companion.
I didn’t want to lose my companion. Some of my best moments in my life happened with her.
But then so did some of the worst after she kept lying about her trips to NYC, emotionally distancing herself and then sneaking off and leaving me for good.
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