Opinions may vary about when women dating after divorce should wait. Is there a certain time frame or an emotional trigger point (you stop thinking about your ex or start dreaming about spending time with a guy at work).
And whatever your opinion is what is certain is that you should grieve your loss first. In my experience I needed at least one year before I even would have made an interesting date for someone.
I needed to clear my head so by the time I did go out on a date I could give my full attention.
Knowing that others go through the same problems that we did helps relieve stress. Each of us reacts differently to trauma and loss, everyone grieves differently. I read this article that summarizes how people struggle with loss in their own ways (denial/shock, bargaining, depression, anger, acceptance).
My relationship ended due to cheating (the whole reason I launched this site) that ended in divorce. In my situation I felt a little of all of these emotions, but overall I experienced the shock of how fast it all happened, how my life just completely turned around from one moment to the next.
I denied believing an affair could happen to me since I prioritized my spouse and our relationship.
Waiting One Year?
Again everyone is different, but what happens if you start dating again too quickly? The consequences of not grieving may push you into a relationship while you feel emotionally dependent and needy.
I can relate to this. Just a few short months after my ex spouse left I almost stuck myself in a new relationship with an equally needy partner. Luckily we parted ways before things got rolling. After that I spent time rebuilding my confidence.
Personal Coach Debbi Dickinson felt the same way after her divorce, she explains how she needed a year before starting to date again and how it wasn’t fair for neither herself or the man to start to soon and fresh out of her previous relationship.
What if you don’t want to wait to start dating again?
Of course waiting does not work for everyone as blogger Dawn Meehan outlines in her 7 reasons for women dating after divorce not to wait too long.
But again everyone has different circumstances (my cheating spouse and divorce) and your reason (you can fill in the blank here).
Here are 5 situations women dating after divorce could consider knowing when the time is right to start believing in love again.
[5 Situations] Women Dating after Divorce Might Consider Believing in Love Again
You’re ready when you’re ready, but these reasons listed below are for you, based on your feelings and circumstances NOT on a man’s.
It doesn’t matter what he is going through if you are not ready (please avoid the “savior mentality”. My friend tends to jump from relationship to relationship always falling for emotionally dependent men who appear to need rescued.
In the end she wastes time, energy and her confidence erodes little by little.
When should women dating after divorce consider looking for romance again?
1. “You-Time Tank” Full
You spent time on hobbies, traveling, rediscovering old interests. This time helped you find yourself again. Now you probably will not enter a relationship desperate for someone to make you happy- you’re happy with or without someone. A much healthier mindset.
2. “No Money Charity, Thank You”
Admittedly a touchy subject for some women, but imagine the trapped feeling of depending on someone else more for money (due to debt or improved lifestyle, etc.) than for love (this advice goes 2 ways for both men and women). After my wife left my first priority was to clean up my debt. It didn’t feel right starting with someone else until i was both emotionally and financially sound.
3. No More Ex-Haunting Ghost
Pretty simple, if your ex still floats around in your head or you can’t stop dreaming about him then what do you expect from dating a new man. Besides you probably would wish picture your ex sat across the table instead. I know I did this a few times I went out on dates.
4. Nightly Cat and Movie Date
OK, so I love cats myself, I grew up with them. But when the safe company of a pet, book or hobby stops being enough, it’s time to consider stepping outside your comfort zone.
I read a story in one of dating coach Evan Marc Katz (who specializes in advising independent, successful women) books “Believe in Love”. He describes one of his clients how she didn’t start dating until she was in her mid 30s. Every night she huddled up with her cat and a book, until one day it hit her- “I’m lonely”.
5. Christopher Columbus
You’ve been exploring brave new worlds already, escaping the house with friends, visiting new wine bars, touring new museums, working out at the gym (eyeballing the hot guys bench pressing- you know you do). You’re already one step in the right direction, the only thing that’s missing is the guy joining you and that’s how all dating should start, right?
Do You Still Believe in Love? What can you do next?
(Or sit by the window waiting for your ex to come back.)
Divorce and/or infidelity often shock our belief system that true love exists. But shock lasts for a short-time period. Don’t let your dreams of the Mr. Right disappear because your ex disappeared.
Yes, it still hurts that my spouse cheated and left, but it’s time to move on.
All women dating after divorce today, right now had to start over too at some point.
Isn’t it time to move on for you too?
I highly recommend reading the two books that have rescued thousands of women from their battles with loneliness.
In fact before reading them choose one of these reviews to read before deciding if they will help your situation or not.
How to Understand Men
If you are ready for advice to understand men better and how to find a compatible man who wants to commit and not run away.
Believe Love Still Exists, Start Dating Again
Evan helps build your confidence back up and reminds you that YES you still are quite the catch. Find out his 7 step action program to let go of your relationship past. It’s done, over, time to start dating again like his other thousands of clients- women dating after divorce just like you.