If you’re wondering whether you’re going to catch your boyfriend cheating on dating apps, it can be frustrating to tread the line between caution and paranoia.
Trying to make a college relationship work isn’t easy.
However, even though this stressful time, you can find the love of your life. But there are always going to be some stumbling blocks.
One thing that shocks some people in relationships is coming across a dating profile.
You may have expected that he would deactivate all his dating profiles once he was in a relationship.
But for one reason or another, many people keep dating profiles up after deciding to settle into a more long-term relationship.
Should that be cause for alarm?
Sure, you want to believe your boyfriend isn’t cheating.
You want to believe he’s using it only for conversations that don’t violate the trust between you two.
But you’re probably a little worried, even if it’s just in the back of your mind.
Make sure you understand the answers to these important questions before you go crazy about the dating profile in question.
You probably think you know the answer to this one. After all, it’s in the name. What else could it be for?
Although it’s relatively rare to actually find this happening, it’s true that you can use certain dating apps for friendship as well as love.
To ward off misunderstanding, these people will just indicate their disinterest
on their profile.
If you’re the one who found this profile, take a good look at it.
Does your boyfriend mention that he’s in a relationship?
Or does he seem to dodge the question or even outright state he’s single?
It’s much more likely that he’s cheating if he seems to be presenting himself as single.
Otherwise, he genuinely could just be there to make friends.
You may have a pretty one-dimensional view of cheating in your mind.
Your boyfriend goes on Tinder, finds a match, and hooks up with her, right?
Actually, no.
It’s vastly more common for cheaters to use social media to flirt with and eventually hook up with someone else.
That means your boyfriend’s social media apps are probably more of a danger than
Tinder.
A recent OneClass study quickly unearthed this preference.
Of the top four apps that college students used to meet people without their partner knowing, only one was a dating app.
These top four apps actually make up an incredible 53.4% of the total. Tinder is the only dating app at 11.8%. Snapchat leads at 20.8%, with Instagram trailing behind at 11.8% and Facebook a close fourth at 9%.
This is probably an even more important question than even the question of whether he has a dating app on his phone.
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Cheaters never change.” It’s not completely accurate, but cheaters definitely, have a pretty lasting mark on their record.
When you’re considering the question, don’t just take yourself into account. Has he ever cheated on a previous girlfriend? He might still be carrying those tendencies.
Although it’s probably better to approach things more liberally if he’s always been loyal, that probably doesn’t hold true if he’s cheated before.
If he wants to keep your trust, he’ll understand when you tell him that a dating profile makes you uncomfortable.
Maybe cutting him off completely isn’t the answer. Besides, if he feels like you’re overreacting, he may get resentful, which can drive a completely different wedge between you two.
But that doesn’t mean you have to just let him do whatever he wants. You should be communicating about it.
There are plenty of ways to reach a compromise here. Their efficacy, however, depends on each individual couple.
Introduce these potential compromises or brainstorm some new ones that work well for both of you.
If he’s not doing anything wrong on his account, he’ll probably be okay with you seeing his activity.
After all, there should be nothing there that will make you uncomfortable.
It’s true that people value their privacy. It may not be his first choice. But if you’re uncomfortable with him being on dating apps, he may be okay giving up a bit of privacy.
Don’t make him feel infantilized with this option. He shouldn’t feel like you’re a helicopter parent controlling his every move.
A great way to do it is to log in to his account on your device as well.
That way, you get notifications when he receives messages, so you only have to intervene if you see something inappropriate.
You can easily combine this with the other compromise options. It’s simple: he just agrees that you can quickly look over his profile.
Even before you look over his profile, work together to determine what you’re not comfortable with.
There may be a few things that you want him to include.
Obviously, you’ll want him to say that he’s in a relationship and isn’t looking for romance.
But are there any other things that make you uncomfortable?
Consider asking him not to meet up with anyone alone.
After all, 10% of college students with a dating or social app installed have actually met up with someone else. You may want to squash that.
Aside from that, you may also want to talk about whether you’re okay with him talking to women.
It could also be important to review his pictures.
Maybe you’re okay with him using Tinder, which he can definitely use for more platonic conversations, but not eHarmony, which is essentially just for dating.
Even on social media, whitelisting can sometimes be helpful.
After all, Snapchat accounts for over one in five cheaters.
Maybe Snapchat just shouldn’t be on the table if you’re really worried.
It may actually help even more to whitelist social media apps than dating apps. After all, your boyfriend probably knows that you’d be uncomfortable with certain dating apps.
They’re a dead giveaway.
What’s surprising is how comfortable cheaters are using social media apps.
This is especially true for men.
They’re 81% more likely than women to use these apps to flirt with someone in a relationship.
Set up an agreement here and make sure you both stick to it.
Sometimes, these sorts of affairs happen simply because one party doesn’t know what the other party sees as cheating.
Cheating in its simplest sense is just breaking your partner’s trust.
If you feel like your boyfriend broke your trust, even if he doesn’t feel the same way, it’s going to cause issues in your relationship.
Actively think about what makes you uncomfortable about your boyfriend being on social media sites or dating apps.
You need to make these clear so that he doesn’t accidentally step over those boundaries.
Are you okay with him talking to women online at all?
Do you want him to tell you if he creates a new profile?
Is flirting just as bad as cheating in your mind?
By letting him know exactly what makes you uncomfortable and what doesn’t, you won’t run the risk of miscommunication.
Plus, if he does cross those boundaries, you’ll know it wasn’t an accident.
At the end of the day, even if you do everything “right,” that doesn’t guarantee your boyfriend’s fidelity.
It’s hard to hear, but there’s nothing you can personally do to completely stop him from cheating on you if he’s determined to do so.
On a lighter note, that means there’s hope as long as the two of you work together.
If you’re both in this together and you promise to be faithful, you can make it through college and beyond.
Remember that you need communication and trust — not just one or the other.
Don’t constantly hound your boyfriend about his social media habits, but make sure you address your relationship problems.
It’s hard to think about whether you’ll catch your boyfriend cheating, but with these questions, you can address your boyfriend’s dating app activity with the right finesse.
Irene Chen is the head editor for Content Geek, which showcases interesting, inspirational, and thought-provoking content. ContentGeek.com publishes infographics and articles across a wide range of topics, sourced from a community of designers, writers, and creators.
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