Hello,

Thank you for your comment.

I take it that you mean you are considering entering an open relationship. While sounding enticing for some people I do think that there are considerable risks, but this could be an entire blog post, so I will keep it brief. I think we can all figure out what the possible PROs would be so let’s look at the CONs- the entanglement of emotions and lost trust that could result.

1. How would one partner feel if the other seemed to enjoy openly having sex with others, but they themselves didn’t wish to participate? Or even if they did try it but didn’t enjoy it? They would feel on the outside and betrayed. Just because you both “agree” on an open relationship, doesn’t mean that the partner who’s proposed the idea actually wants to do it. They might feel forced out of fear of losing the relationship and possibly the lifestyle they’ve grown accustomed too.
2. Even if you agree on terms how could you possibly maintain the trust that they will be adhered to? Let’s face it, if you ask for an open relationship essentially you are asking for permission to cheat so that you can still remain in the relationship. You’re going to feel tempted to have sex without revealing all the details and your whereabouts. Simply put, you will not want to abide by the restrictions if you enjoy casual sex and you want to expand on your experience to try new things that might be considered off-limits, and you will not want to openly discuss it, thus. you will likely break the rules.
3. You must take the feelings of the outsiders in mind too. Just because they claim to agree to emotionless sex, who’s to say that they do not want more and than attempt to sabotage your relationship. How would you possibly expect someone else to respect a marriage that agrees on an open relationship?
4. The obvious CON, possibility of STDs. Just because you make the rule of using protection doesn’t mean it will happen.

This list could go on, I’d prefer to write a blog post on it then to continue here.

That is NOT to say that it could not work for some, for example, the swinger community. I am pretty sure that it works fine for some of them. My bet is that they are able to compartmentalize the sex with their lover from the emotional connection they feel towards their partner. (They can separate lust from love).

However, when you consider how messy and complex people’s feelings can get, you must consider the risk, including possible violence if someone along the way gets super jealous. Or simply just crushing your partner’s feelings.

So, what does that mean for someone who wants more in their sex life, who wants a more enjoyable experience than what they’re getting, plus the thought that this could be “as good as it gets” forever?

That is one tough question. But I would imagine it begins with a discussion between the couple to determine what each one wants sexually? What’s missing? Also, discuss if they feel shamed into restricting their sexual desires? That’s a major problem too. If one partner’s sexual desire is stronger than the other’s then how do you handle it?

This is a great topic that I should research. Thank you for bringing it up.

What are your thoughts?

Please don’t hold back because I promise you that there are many people on both sides that fear to talk about it, but it needs to be talked about. Our feelings cannot be suppressed.

Looking forward to your reply.

Hi Orlando,
I would like to re-address and discuss an Open Relationship.I have been with my husband 26 years. That’s right 26 years therefore my thoughts, comments and opinions will derive from true event experiences.

What are the Pros and Con’s of having an Open Relationship?

An “open relationship” means that you and your partner give each other permission to have sex with other people outside of the relationship. My opinion is that is playing with fire. There are many unpredictable things that could happen and cause lots of emotional harm as well as potential domestic violence.

Good Evening Orlando,
Perhaps I do have sensitivity to the matter of passing judgement too quick. See I was the only girl and the youngest, among a total of 14 boys, having 4 Brothers and 10 Male Cousins. Unfortunately my brothers and I were adopted because at my young age of three years old – My father (do not know if biologically) Killed our Beautiful Mother beating the crap out of her first. She ran out of the vehicle, he ran after her, dragged her by her hair back into the car, scraping the skin off her legs and then in the car decided to shoot at her knee so that he can continue beating her to death. Meanwhile this poor woman had four children by themselves at home. Nonetheless, he ended up placing the gun in her crotch shot her and then in her mouth. Cops had been called over and hour and fifteen minutes but they were in between shifts and were not able to make it to her in time. Of course, he shot himself. Why did he do this? Because “Some family member” of his told him, my mother was cheating. This information I cannot be certain but it is what I have investigated and was revealed to me. He was an Alcohol/ Drug Addict. She left him countless of times and he would stalk her track her and would abuse her endlessly, my siblings and I remember the numerous domestic violence incidents. Its a shame that this is my only vivid memory of my parents.

Secondly, My 2nd to the oldest brother had wife #1 and wife #3 cheat on him. He cheated on his wife #2 with wife #3.
My 3rd to the oldest brother married at 18 yrs old and continuously cheated on his pregnant wife #1. Countless of times and she finally busted him, with who became wife #2. Ten years later, allegedly wife #2 cheats on him.

I did not allow my brothers to sit and talk about their wives or ex-wives in a negative manner. I told both my brothers that 8 out 10 times I believe women or men have circumstances that lead to the infidelity. Of course, at that moment each placed themselves as victims of their spouses infidelity. Leaving out all the real issues that caused love to dwindle away. As I told them that however Good or Bad these said individuals were that they didn’t have a problem laying down with them then, then the least they could do was show enough respect to keep their traps quiet and instead to take some time alone to recap year by year and to acknowledge all the struggles that they truly had. To acknowledge that an action causes a reaction. Tasting your own medicine was no fun. My belief is that I am not Jesus. It is not my place to Condemn, Criticize, or Judge an individual. This is where I learned that there were three sides to every story. What He Says, What She Says and What Actually took place.

I kept myself out their personal business. My only involvement was to be a positive influence and to be the Aunt I am so Blessed to be to my nieces and nephews.

I sense that this is a fragile topic for you. Would you mind sharing with me what’s on your mind first? I will be able to give you a more thorough response then.

I applaud you for the courage of bringing up that are indeed multiple sides of the story. What happens today is a result of what happened yesterday. How we feel today is a result of the events that led up to today. Nothing happens just because. People don’t just suddenly have a change of heart for no reason.