Survive the Affair: 3 Things to Do and Not Do to Avoid More Chaos
Ouch, you feel a sharp, simmering pinch- you’ve been bitten by infidelity so how will you survive the affair?
The emotional pain from an affair is nothing like you have ever felt before. How did it happen? You didn’t see it coming. Or maybe you did sense something was wrong, but weren’t quite sure what to make of it.
Discovering an Affair Is Like A Snake Bite
Honestly, I have do not know how to handle a poisonous snake bite, but I have seen enough movies to have an idea.
From what I know the venom will travel fast up your blood stream and if the poison’s path is not obstructed soon enough then it could reach your heart and that’s when you could die.
So the first good news is a poisonous snake bite is worse than an affair. Let’s face it. You’re not going to die!
An affair is sort of like a snake bite both in how the pinch and venom can affect your body and how you survive the affair is somewhat like how you treat the bite.
Snake Bitten By the Affair?
Affairs can feel like snake bites. Total shock, intense pain and poison sets in. How can you prevent the poison from killing you?
Alright, so first step is to stop the travel of the venom by tying something (clothes, rope, chain) just below or above the bite mark between where the teeth entered and the heart AND DO IT FAST! Suck out and spit out the venom from the wound. You must remove as much poison as possible.
Do not let victim run since this will speed up their heart rate and move any remaining poison faster. Then obviously get to a hospital or clinic’s ER as fast as possible to receive some antitoxin!
Ok, so I am not a doctor, but that at least is a rough idea how to do it. So how would you handle being “snake bitten” by a cheater?
How could you survive the affair?
Let’s not draw out some detailed plan. The shock is bad enough from discovering the infidelity in the first place. I’m pretty sure you don’t want to be overwhelmed with details. So to make things easier what are some do’s and don’ts?
3 Things Not to Do to Survive the Affair
Just like being bitten by a snake your first reaction is to panic. When you find out you’ve been cheated on your life suddenly seems meaningless, your mind starts to play tricks on you.
1. Do NOT try to figure out how the affair happened (at least for now)
It will be a big temptation, but trust me from experience, the reason the affair happened does not matter. Just like it wouldn’t make sense to try to figure out why the snake bit you. It is time now to prevent the traveling of the poison.
2. Do NOT verbally attack your spouse
Would you go after the snake? You want him to bite you again? The snake will just defend itself and so will your spouse. They will take a defensive stance. It’s not going to help the situation.Again the problem is the pain and the poison right now.
3. Do NOT feel think about being a victim nor see them as the enemy
In other words do not feel sorry for yourself. Why the heck would you cry about why the snake chose you to bite? Well, it doesn’t matter that you’re a victim of cheating either. You want to survive the affair, right? Then once again you need to stop the pain and remove the poison before preventing the next “snake bite”. Also if you see your spouse as an enemy how do you expect to be together?
Ok, so that’s fine and dandy to know what NOT to do, what are some steps you can take?
3 Things to Do to Survive the Affair
Be aware that in the early stages of the affair, particularly during the first week after discovering you were cheated on by your spouse, you will focus mostly on finding strength within yourself.
If you do not believe that your life is bigger than your relationship then you will be vulnerable to more mistreatment by your spouse.
1. Come to Grips that it wasn’t your Fault
You took the high road every time your marriage hit a lull, your spouse looked for the lifeboat. He/she tried to find the easiest route. You cannot control someone else’s actions and you certainly couldn’t control the snake’s reason to bite you.
2. Picture Yourself as an Impenetrable Fortress, Nothing Can Break You!
If you do not believe that your life is bigger than your relationship then you will be vulnerable to more mistreatment by your spouse. Imagine not receiving any antitoxin after a snake bite.
3. Show your Spouse that the Snake Bite did not Kill you, that you Survived
This will immediately make them seem small and selfish for making the bad choice. They will be attracted to your strength and even compare you to the OP (other person). The key here is not to do it sarcastically out of angst. By not begging and instead standing strong they will feel childish and realize they did something foolish.
I believe one of the main ingredients to survive the affair is separate your feelings from the situation. It was their bad decision. Everyone does something out of character even something as big as an affair. Let them feel small by staying calm and standing strong.
This is the first step, you’ll have plenty of time later to figure out how to repair the relationship. Your enemy is your emotions right now, don’t let them sabotage you.
If you charge after the snake then it will either bite back or run away. In the case of the affair you do not want your spouse to get defensive, this will only make them desire the other person outside the marriage even more, but you certainly do not want them to run away.
If you want to survive the affair then do not give them a reason to bite you again.
Want to Express Your Feelings to Someone On the Outside of the Relationship?
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This Resource Personally Helped Me Survive Week Ones
Thanks to this marriage counselor I removed the poison and sting of the affair.
The eBook he wrote on How to Break Free From the Affair saved my sanity and immediately stopped the pain. Or read my review of the book. Click here to read the review.
His other resources helped me to then take the next step to survive the affair.
boy I’m at a road block….my other half for three years has been in contact with woman that he works with – works out of town – found texts between each, talk isn’t friend talk – how his heart feels, calls her beautiful/pretty everyday, she had the nerve to text him one morning pissed off that he hadn’t text her back with that…he tells me it’s just trash talk – even met her with her husband – other half stated it was just to show that they are friends…..I have NO idea what he does during the week while gone – her husband also works out of town. I just can’t get the shit out of my brain what he wrote to her and is still in contact with her, have told him how I feel but he still in contact with her, we’ve been together seventeen years – oh and she’s fifteen years younger than him. damn don’t know what to do or say anymore
If he doesn’t fear consequences then he will continue to do it, or just find other ways to hide his cheating. Perhaps he is just flirting, which in this case I’d call it microcheating. This is unacceptable behavior if he expects to stay in a relationship with you.
[…] She felt that punishing me would keep me in line. That technique backfired, along with these other avoid-at-all-cost actions after catching your cheating spouse found in this other post of […]