By: Orlando

Orlando — Wed, 16 Sep 2020 06:07:54 +0000

In reply to Tammy Martin. I think he sees you as a safe-haven. You will be there when the times are rough (as a good partner should), but he finds an escape through cheating, an escape from his life's struggles, perhaps an alternative escape other than the one drugs provide. There's something still there that he confides in you about. And I believe there's something there that connects you to him. What do you feel still bonds you to him?

By: Tammy Martin

Tammy Martin — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 14:07:05 +0000

My s S.O. showed some remorse as far as I’m sorry and as far as I can tell has cut off contact with the other woman (unless he talks online or phone at work). He can’t stand to see me cry because it makes him cry. He denied the affair up until I told him I knew 4 a fact but he doesn’t want to talk about it. He views a discussion as an argument or confrontation. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but I can’t heal or build trust without hearing the story of what happened. We’ve been together 18 years but he was using meth the first 3 yrs we were together & he would leave me for a wk or two & see other women then come bk to me. He finally quit using & changed into a different person. I let the past go and we lived happily as far as I know until we both got addicted to opioids. That started a whole new problem. I could control my addiction a little bit better than he could so then it became a constant battle with us. Our whole relationship was about pills and making enough money to support the habit. Resentment set in plus arguments about how bad he was getting kept us constantly broken. Then I went thru menopause. I had no feelings no desires for sex at all. We both are in our early 50s. Midlife crisis sets in. He started using meth again last year. I saw the signs. I was so focused and hurt over him using meth that I didn’t pay attention to the signs of cheating. This time around he didn’t stay gone like before. Came home every night. But…he had started hanging around other people who used meth and would find excuses to stay gone until 9 or 10 at night. He had started seeing a woman I WORK WITH!!! Lied to my face everyday for at least 7 or 8 months. He made the mistake of telling 2 people that are friends of mine. He told one friend bk in January that he was gonna leave me and move in with her after he told me. He never told me or left. I finally went to a outpatient rehab in May to help myself get off opiates. When I did that…i don’t know what changed but he stopped the meth and decided to go to the rehab clinic also. THEN I FOUND OUT about the other woman. I found a condom in his wallet. He lied and said he found it and forgot to throw it away. So I started going through stuff of his and found more condoms hid. We argued and he left and stayed gone for 3 days so I packed up his clothes. Then the 2 people who knew about this affair that had been going on for months told me. When he came bk after 3 days…he had done meth again. He was outa his mind. Talking outa his head crazy. He’d been up all that time. He had an appt at the rehab place the next day. He wasn’t in any shape to drive so my broken hearted ass drives him. To make a long story short…when he came down off that high I confronted him about the affair. I acted like I knew who it was, I said I knew he had planned on leaving me months ago but she had to get rid of her old man before he could move in, etc…All he did was look at me and when I started crying he said I’m so sorry and he cried. BUT..each time I tried to talk about this he’d say not right now. I don’t want to argue. So I have no details of who? When? Why? Where? When did it stop? Who ended it? Nothing. So….im still in limbo with the questions and answers. He is living with me now. We are both in outpatient rehab and off of opiates. He isn’t using meth(we get drug tested every month). He and I do things together now when we get off work. He says that he wants to be with me and loves me. But I feel like roommates…friends. We get along fine now that we are clean. But in the back of my mind I have no closure. I think the only reason he’s with me is because SHE broke it off with him or maybe he thinks if he walks the line awhile I’ll give him some trust so he can cheat.. He lied so much for so long that it’s sickening and then doesn’t want to talk about the affair. He no doubt has feelings for her. I can’t bring it up to him without crying and that shuts him down. I guess I will see taking it one day at a time….

By: Michele Johnson

Michele Johnson — Sat, 14 Dec 2019 16:40:03 +0000

In reply to Walter Wurst. My husband says it's over its in the past I'm back home nothing to worry about. Also it's my fault

By: Orlando

Orlando — Sun, 30 Jun 2019 03:54:16 +0000

In reply to Walter Wurst. What has changed now that makes you feel as if you should have divorced in the 1980s? What made you stay married the first time you discovered her affair?

By: Walter Wurst

Walter Wurst — Mon, 24 Jun 2019 23:49:20 +0000

I read this 40 years too late. With I know now, I should have divorced my wife for 2-3 counts of adultery back in the late 1980’s at the latest. I had put all this stuff in the back of mind for years. Then when she developed dementia I have had to spend more and more time as a caregiver, this cheating really bothers me. But all the important stuff – who? Why? when begin? when stop? do not feel remorse for hiding this time? She claims to remember NOTHING or our 46 years of marriage. She has dementia, true, but can remember stuff from her childhood, but of our lives together. That makes it hurt even more.

Comments on: Cheating Spouse Shows No Remorse: Forgive or Leave?

By: Orlando

By: Tammy Martin

By: Michele Johnson

By: Orlando

By: Walter Wurst