Sorry for the late reply. I was wondering where all my comments were. I had to look in a different spot in the back end of my site. Thank you for such an in-depth opinion. I can feel your pain in your words. It relieves me to see you write that you as a betrayed spouse must think about yourself. It is such a hard reality to deal with when you discover that the person who claimed to stick with you through thick and thin takes the quickest road out once things get tough. One thing I would suggest is be wary of making threats. If you catch your wife cheating again then you must stick to what you said you would do or in her eyes, she has no reason to stop. Like in your case you say you would get divorced. I can tell you from experience it is not easy to do even after catching your spouse a second or third time. So if you catch her again, you now have put yourself in a challenging position. If you give her another chance to stay with you then she will think that you are just afraid of being alone. After you catch your cheating spouse a second time, stay married and do not take proactive steps with counseling then you open the door for endless cheating. They see your threats as empty and see no repercussions for doing it over and over again. They can still keep their safe, comfortable life and lover. Yes, I know that sucks to read. Just be careful to allow a cheating spouse to “have their cake and eat it too”. Feel free to contact me if you would like to talk.

I chose to forgive my wife to heal myself. I did not want her childish and selfish mistakes to take their toll on me. She made her choices and her decision to cheat has no bearing on my integrity. Her choices have everything to do with her lacking mature adult communication skills and a lack of mature integrity.

For me, I choose not to allow her immaturity to break me. I trust her and I verify her actions. Our relationship will never be the same and I will never completely trust her. But I have given her the gift of reconciliation and forgiveness. She didn’t give me a chance to work at our relationship in a healthy mature way when she decided it was in her best interest to become a cheater.

Being the better person, I’ve chosen to communicate and be honest. I have chosen to behave like a mature adult. I have chosen to not become the liar that my wife became. I have told my wife how I feel about the person she became.

I have told her that if she cheats on me again that divorce will be the only solution. I’ve held on to all emails from her affairs along with photos. These items will be given to my attorney so that we can prove that she has issues with fidelity so that I can get custody of my kids.

We are trying to work things out but I feel that I have to look out for myself and that of my children just in case. I just don’t fully trust her after all that she has done to me. The lies. The sleeping around. It has changed me as a person.
Although I love my wife I have to take care of myself first while working at my relationship.

Anyone going through this, I suggest being strong enough to let your wayward spouse know that they have to be the one to prove that they can be trusted. It’s their job to prove that they are trustworthy. They need to understand that they chose to cheat and their actions belong to them. If they can’t work hard to rebuild trust then it is wise to move on. You will find someone better when it is time and rest assured, karma does exist and your cheater will get their taste of bitterness in the end.